Everything changes
by GameOn
Summary: AU, three years on. Kate is married to a wonderful man, she has a job that she's great at and they're starting a family. She should be happy, right? Sometimes it isn't falling in love but staying there that's the hard part.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Dear Mr Marlowe, thank you for letting me borrow these wonderful characters that you have created. And thanks to everyone who is reading this. I hope that you enjoy it. I am still working on my other story but hopefully it won't be delayed too much by this little detour.**

Chapter 1: Playing family

She could feel his breath stirring the fine hairs at the nape of her neck, at the same time his hand was rubbing little circles on her abdomen. Even half asleep she knows that it's him, but then who else would be sharing her bed if not her husband.

"Hmmm Kate," Rick groans as he pushes his hips up against her so that she can feel his morning erection, hard against the small of her back. She's the little spoon to his big spoon, their bodies curved so they fit naturally.

She thinks 'why not?' It's the weekend, she's not on call and they have nowhere else to be on this autumn morning. The weather's been a bit colder over the last week, enough of a bite to let you know that winter isn't far off. But here and now, cocooned in their bed it's nice and cozy. Maybe she can make it even cozier.

Kate rolls over onto her other side so that she's facing him and that's when the nausea hits. It's hard to say what triggers these bouts, maybe it's the sudden movement or maybe it's just the fact that her body has woken up now. Whatever the trigger was, now she has to deal with the effects. Her eyes close as she swallows rapidly, fighting back that horrible metallic taste in her mouth that precedes the retching.

"Hey, are you ok?" he sounds concerned but at the moment she's got her hands full just concentrating on not being sick, she can't spare the effort to placate his anxieties as well. He continues to hover over her, unhappy because there's nothing that he can do to make this better for her, she's bitten his head off enough times in this same situation that he knows to just wait it out.

"It's gone now," she finally says when the imminent danger of vomiting all over their bed has passed.

Rick rests his forehead against hers for a second and sighs before he moves so that he's beside her now instead of above.

Supposedly there are women who love being pregnant, they're serene and calm, the archetypal earth mother. Unfortunately Kate is not one of those women. This is her first pregnancy and her body isn't coping well with the changes that it's going through. She's been plagued by morning sickness for the last two weeks; it's so bad that she's taken to carrying around a little vomit bag with her at all times. For someone who has always been fit and well, this is like a betrayal, not being able to count on her own body because things just might go haywire at any moment.

Rick's only other experience of this was when Meredith was pregnant with Alexis. It was a long time ago but he doesn't remember it being so bad. Meredith is a drama queen, she doesn't do things quietly; so he's sure that he would remember it if that pregnancy was as bad as what Kate's going through now.

He'd been sure that something must be wrong, it wasn't natural for someone to suffer this much, was it? They'd been to see her obstetrician so many times that Rick joked that they should put Dr Cranshaw on their Christmas card list. Each time the woman had patiently examined Kate and then said that there was nothing wrong. Her blood work and scan had turned up nothing unusual. So now all they could do was wait and hope that the morning sickness settled a bit once Kate was out of the first trimester.

He pulls her in for a hug, wanting to comfort her but she pushes his arms away and rolls over so that she's not facing him anymore.

"Not now Rick," there's irritation in her voice.

He's a bit stung by her assumption, as if he was insensitive enough that he would still want sex now. Well actually, his body wouldn't mind doing that at all, but he's not a kid anymore to be ruled by his dick. It's just the pregnancy hormones he tells himself, that's why Kate's terse and almost angry with him so often these days.

Rick takes a few deep breaths, pushing back his own angry retort. After all Kate's the one doing all the hard work, he'll be patient with her because it's the least that he can do. By the time he's counted to ten Kate's already up and making her way to the bathroom, the door locks loudly behind her, it's her petty way of letting him know she's still pissed.

It will be ok, he tells himself, you can do this. Just another thirty-one _long _weeks to go.

* * *

><p>By the time he joins her in the kitchen for breakfast her mood has shifted again; he can't keep up with all these changes. She's cheerful as she munches on a bowl of cereal while reading the paper. Kate looks up as he approaches, an apology evident in her eyes.<p>

"Sorry about before," she slides across a bowl of sliced strawberries as a peace offering.

"That's ok honey," he kisses her on the cheek, really he doesn't blame her, she's got plenty of reasons to be grumpy. It's good to see that at least she's having some breakfast today, Kate's never been big but since she fell pregnant there are days where she doesn't manage to keep down any food before dinner, he worries that it's not good for her or the baby.

"I was thinking that we could go shopping for some nursery stuff today. There's that great place over in the village that Ryan was telling us about last week." Ryan doesn't know that's she's pregnant, it's just that ever since Jenny had their twins all that Ryan can talk about is baby stuff.

Rick looks so excited by the idea of getting furniture for the nursery that she feels bad about voicing her worries but she's not keen to buy baby stuff just yet.

"Don't you think that it's a bit early for doing that kind of thing?" Technically she's still in her first trimester and she feels like it's tempting fate to be setting up the nursery already. "Maybe … maybe we should wait until I'm further along?"

Immediately she starts to feel bad because he's got that kicked puppy look on his face. From the moment that they found out she was pregnant Rick has always been the upbeat, positive one and Kate's been the reluctant one being pulled along in his wake. As soon as that little test strip turned positive Rick had rushed out and bought a onesie that said 'I love Mommy.'

"Never mind, I'm just worrying about nothing. Let's go shopping," she tells him.

"Are you sure Kate?"

"Yeah. It's probably best to do it now anyway before I get too big to enjoy it and you'll have to push me around because I'm so swollen that I have cankles."

"You are so going to enjoy this place. The furniture is all wooden and handmade. I checked it out online and they have the coolest cots, there's one that shaped like a tree-house!" his voice gets a bit high-pitched and he's going at five hundred words a minute because he's so excited.

Kate just smiles indulgently, thank goodness at least one of them was excited about this whole thing.

* * *

><p>The store lives up to the all the superlatives that Rick had heaped on it, even Kate has to admit that it was pretty cool. They've been wandering around it for about half an hour now and Rick seems to want to buy one of everything, she's had to remind him more than once that they're only having the one baby this time so there's really no point in buying two bassinets.<p>

"What do you think? Pretty cool, huh?" He's holding up a giraffe-shaped growth chart, it's designed to go on the wall so that you can mark out your child's height at various ages. "With us as parents the kid is bound to be tall."

"Here's hoping that he gets my good sense as well, and doesn't take after you in that department," Kate teases him. She's not sure why but she has a feeling that this one's a boy, maybe because she'd heard somewhere that boys made the pregnancy harder on the mother and this one has certainly been hard so far.

"I don't mind if the kid takes after you completely because then they'll be perfect." Rick grabs her hand and places a kiss on the back of it.

She plays it all cool and rolls her eyes at him as if she thinks that the sentiment is a bit too sappy but truthfully she can't help but be flattered. He's seen her at her worst and yet he still thinks she's wonderful, perfect. She'd never thought of herself like that, at least not before she meet him.

"Ok put it on the list then," Kate says as she turns and pretends to look at something else, it's just an excuse really, so that he doesn't see her blushing because of his compliment.

It's odd being in a store like this because it's almost exclusively filled with couples. Most of the other women look like they are further along than she is. Kate doesn't even have a visible baby bump yet and she wonders how it will feel when the baby is full term and she has to waddle instead of walk because it will have tipped her centre of gravity so far forward.

There's one woman here who looks practically ready to drop the bundle today, she's so big. The woman has a similar build to herself and Kate wonders if she'll look the same when she's at that stage; all skinny arms and legs and one enormous belly out the front. The woman catches her eye and Kate's embarrassed to be caught staring but really it's not her fault. It's like the baby bump exerts a magnetic pull of it's own, drawing your gaze there whether you want to or not. The other woman just smiles, there's a shared camaraderie in that smile; they're both expectant mothers and one day Kate might be the one catching someone else staring at her baby bump.

"Oh look," Rick's spotted something else on the other side of the shop that they absolutely must have, and she's dragged off to look.

By lunchtime Kate's had enough and called it a day, if she had left it up to him they would have spent all day in that one store. Despite her reining him back, they still have a long list of things that they're going to buy, how one small person could need so much is beyond her. It's so much stuff that she's not even certain that it's all going to fit into the guest bedroom that they're converting into a nursery.

The sales woman seems very happy with them, which is understandable given the fact that they've spent a cool twenty thousand bucks in the space of three hours. Rick's grinning as he happily hands over his credit card and their address so that all of this stuff can be delivered later in the week.

Kate has wandered over to the shop door, just watching her husband as the sales woman flirts with him (she's wasting her time though because he's totally oblivious to it). He's waving his arms about in his excitement; he's probably boring the poor woman with his latest decorating ideas for the nursery, the last that she heard he wanted to go with a spaceship theme.

Kate is still waiting for that joy, that buzz that everyone says that expectant mothers are meant to feel. After all she wants this baby, right? She should be happy but the truth is that she's ambivalent. It's so hard right now, and she's not certain that it's going to get any better once the baby is born.

So she just watches her husband as he makes his way over to join her. He's still grinning like a loon, as proud as punch that he's going to be a father again; and she prays that his happiness will eventually rub off on her.

"Are you ready Kate?" Rick holds out his hand to her.

All he's asking is if she's ready to leave the store, but in her mind the question is 'are you ready to have this baby?'

"Yes," she says, but she's still not sure about her answer to that second question.

**Eighteen months ago**

"Do you think we're ready to have a baby?" Rick whispers to Kate. Rick's eyes are following Ryan's little boy as the child crawls across the floor towards them. Patrick isn't content like his sister to sit still and play with his toys; he's much more interested in the big people who are gathered to celebrate the twins' first birthday.

"Hmmm," it's not really an answer, just an acknowledgement that she'd heard his question. They're surrounded by friends, so now is not the time to be having this particular conversation. Kate bends to pick up the little boy and then blows a big raspberry on his cheek which makes him giggle, before she balances him on her hip.

She is so confident handling the toddler that she looks like a pro; you would think that she'd already had some of her own. Rick can picture her with their own child, maybe a little hazel-eyed beauty who takes after her mother or a mischievous little scamp just like him. He doesn't press her for an answer now but later that evening he brings it up again.

Kate's rubbing in facial cream as she gets ready for bed, while he's already under the covers waiting for her.

"Do you think that we should start trying for a baby?" he asks her when she comes out of the bathroom.

They have already had the discussion about children before they got married and they both agreed that it was something that they wanted. But then it was just a theoretical thing, something that was going to happen in the future.

They've been married for over a year now, the hiccups of adjusting to married life are behind them, so it's a reasonable question to ask now. It might be a bit tricky with her job, but there might never be a perfect time when you're a cop.

Kate knows that Rick is feeling a bit sentimental at the moment because of the time that they spent with Ryan's kids today. She has to admit that they were pretty damn cute. You only have to spend five minutes with Ryan to know that he thinks the sun rises and shines because of those children. Kate envies him that, and thinks that she might like to feel the same way herself.

Of course they have Alexis; Kate has practically adopted the red-head as her own. But Alexis is growing up and she's going away to college this fall so they'll only get to see her during semester breaks and holidays. Maybe it is time to start trying for a baby, after all Kate isn't getting any younger. Thirty-five isn't that far off and she's well aware of how fertility rates drop off for women as they get older.

She gets into bed and slips into his arms as she kisses him. "Ok, let try."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Baby Photos

It's getting onto two thirty and Kate's still doing last minute paperwork. Their appointment with her doctor is at three, and with New York traffic and parking, they will be lucky to get there in time. Rick's fidgety and itching to go but Kate claims that this report absolutely has to be done now, so he waits impatiently. It's a bit of role reversal, normally Kate is the one who's punctual and pushing him out the door to make sure they are on time.

No one else knows that she's pregnant yet, not even her dad or Lanie. They're both superstitious enough that they'll wait until after the twelve weeks stage before they tell friends and family. As far as work is concerned she's got a check up with her orthopedic surgeon, a follow up for the knee injury she had last year.

But really today is the appointment for her nine-week scan, the first scan which will show them what their baby looks like. That might be too ambitious a description for the hazy, gray images that you get, but at least they'll be able to identify the baby's heart beat, head, and the start of arms and legs. It's still too early to see details like fingers or the sex of the child.

Her only other scan before this one had just shown them a gestational sac because it had been so early on in the pregnancy. The doctor had assured them that it looked good but all that Kate had seen was a circle of black with a blob in it surrounded by fuzzy background.

"Come on Kate, we really have to go now, or else we'll miss the appointment completely." Rick's holding out her coat for her.

"Ok, I'm done. Ryan, can you send this over to the DA's office for me please?"

"Sure thing Beckett."

Her last excuse for staying is now gone, so she lets Rick guide her out to the car. He holds the car door open for her as she gets in, which annoys her, as if she's an invalid all of a sudden. It also annoys her that she's not the one driving. It's safer for Rick to drive because Kate never knows when a bout of nausea could hit, but even so she resents this further concession that she's had to make because of her pregnancy. It's her cop car so damn it she should be the one driving it.

The traffic gods must be happy today because they make good time and even manage to find a park right outside the front of the medical center, so they're only five minutes late for their appointment. The nurse shows them to one of the examination room and records Kate's weight, heart rate and blood pressure. Kate's always had lowish blood pressure if anything, so the reading of 130/90 is high for her.

"Is there a problem?" Rick asks as the nurse rechecks the measurement.

"Nothing serious, it's just a little bit high, but I'll let the doctor talk to you about that," the nurse then leaves them alone so that Kate can get dressed into one of the gowns.

"Don't touch it" Kate's head is still covered by the gown that she's pulling on but she doesn't need to able to see him to know what he's doing. Rick has a curious mind and loves to touch things, ergo the unattended ultrasound machine is an irresistible temptation for him. He pulls his hand back from the buttons at the last moment, a naughty grin on his face, like the proverbial child with the cookie jar.

Kate gets up onto the examination table as they wait for the doctor. She holds her hand out to him, and he walks over to take it. It's more to keep him out of mischief than because she needs any sort of reassurance, or at least that's what she tells herself. Looking after a child will be easy she's told him more than once, after all she's had enough practice looking after a sugar-hyped nine year old for the last few years.

It's not long before the doctor joins them. Dr Cranshaw always reminds Rick of Dame Maggie Smith in her role as Prof. McGonagall in the Harry Potter movies. Somehow she manages to look stern, like she's used to being in charge, and yet kindly at the same time. The first time that they met her Rick made a comment about looking for her pointed hat and broomstick, fortunately Dr Cranshaw had heard the comparison made plenty of times before and she didn't take any offence.

"Kate, Rick, good to see you both. So are you ready to see your baby?" Dr Cranshaw enters Kate's details on the machine and then squeezes a blob of gel onto her belly. There's an instinctive flinch because that gel is always so damn cold but then she relaxes.

Kate's come with a full bladder because it makes it easier to see things on the ultrasound. The unfortunate side effect of that is she feels like she's busting to pee the whole time during the examination, especially with the firm pressure of the ultrasound probe being pushed down into her pelvis.

At first there's just a hazy snowstorm on the screen but as Dr Cranshaw points things out to them it begins to make sense, or maybe that just wishful thinking on their part.

"Go easy on my fingers Rick," Kate tells him. He's so excited by this that he's not aware of exactly how hard he's squeezing her hand at the moment.

His eyes quickly dart from the screen to Kate's face and back again. "Sorry," he says sheepishly and relaxes his grip.

"That's the baby's heart beating," Dr Cranshaw points to a rapidly fluttering thing in the middle of the monitor.

"It seems to be going quite fast. Is that normal?" Rick asks.

"Yes, it's normal for a fetus' heart rate to be quite a bit faster than yours or mine, and even after they're born it will still be quicker than that of an adult's." the doctor reassures them. "And that is the baby's head ... and its arms and legs are those things there."

"Oh look Kate, we've got a tadpole," Rick is joking but he's also right. At this stage the baby's head is huge in comparison to the tiny flippers that are its arms and legs, it certainly looks more like a tadpole than a human being at the moment.

The doctor fiddles around for a bit longer, checking the position of the placenta and measuring the baby's length to make sure that fetal development is progressing as expected. Finally she gives her verdict, "Everything looks really good. Would you guys like a copy of today's scan? I can get a one burnt onto a CD for you."

"Yeah that would be great," Rick jumps in with an answer even before the doctor has finished talking. He's a bit of a techno-geek, knowing him a five minute ultrasound could end up being a thirty minute video complete with a theme song and narrative. It would end up like their wedding video, something that's really only of interest to them but would be used to bore their friends and family to no end.

"Ok, there should be a copy ready with the receptionist by the time you leave. You can get dressed now. We need to get a urine sample off you as well, the bathroom is just there." Dr Cranshaw points out the en suite which is just off to the side. "I'll be in my office, second door on the right. Just come through when you're ready."

Once they're alone again Rick brings her hand up, the one that he's been holding that whole time, and kisses the back of it. "You did good Kate, I can't wait to meet her once she comes out."

"I'm sure that your _son _will be equally happy to meet you once he's born." It's thing that they have going between them. Rick's sure that it's going to be a girl, as he puts it 'he's been surrounded by beautiful women all his life,' while Kate has this feeling that it's going to be a boy. Kate jumps down from the table, grabs her clothes and heads for the toilet.

"Aww, I was hoping to see you get undressed again," he pouts.

Normally she'd find this kind of thing funny, but lately she seems to have no patience for him. Kate knows the he doesn't mean anything by these comments, he's just being funny, he's just being Rick. Unfortunately she seems to have lost her sense of humor for now.

"Not now Rick," she sighs as she walks past him into the bathroom.

He's sighing as well, something has been wrong between the two of them for a few weeks now and he's not sure how to fix it. It's not all the time and it's not even big fights, it's just little things like this. This should be a time of anticipation and joy for them but instead he's walking around on eggshells, always afraid that he's going to say something wrong.

It's a silent and subdued couple that enters Dr Cranshaw's office. The doctor takes the specimen container off Kate and hands it to her nurse to do a dipstick on.

"How are you feeling Kate?" Dr Cranshaw asks.

"I'm still getting some morning sickness but other than that it's been ok," Kate downplays the severity of her symptoms.

"Are you sure it's not more severe than that because you've actually lost about eight pounds compared to your pre-pregnancy weight?" Dr Cranshaw is gentle in her approach because she's dealt with enough pregnant women to know that it can be a scary time, but on the other hand she can spot a load of bull from a mile away. "Your baby hasn't been affected by it so far but your BMI was already quite low to start with so you can't afford to lose any more."

Rick can't keep quiet any more, not when it comes to Kate's health, or the health of their baby. He feels like the school tattletale but he speaks up anyway. "Most days she's not managing to keep down any breakfast or lunch, and she only has small amounts for dinner." As far as he can tell morning sickness is a misnomer because Kate can be sick at any time of the day.

Kate squirms in her chair; it feels like she's failing some important test. She's not had the baby yet and already she's getting D on her Mommy report card. "I'm trying to eat, honestly I am," she protests. She doesn't want Dr Cranshaw to think that she's doing this deliberately, like she's one of those vain Manhattan society wives who are worried about looking fat after the pregnancy.

"I'm sure that you are Kate. It's just that for some women the morning sickness can be so bad that they need a bit of help. I'm going to start you on some medication that should alleviate the nausea a bit. You can also try eating small amounts and often, keep away from spicy and greasy food, and things like ginger ale or peppermint tea can also help. I want to see you back here next week so we can check your weight and to see if your nausea improves at all. It'll also give us a chance to monitor your blood pressure, today's recording is borderline high. We might have to do something about that as well"

Kate hates taking pills but she accepts the inevitable just so that she can finally get out of here. It feels like every time she's here the good doctor is shoving a pill at her.

**One year ago**

Rick squeezes Kate's hand as they sit in the waiting room, they're waiting to see Dr Cranshaw about the results of their tests. She's nervous but trying to hide it. It's funny all those years of using contraception and trying to avoid getting pregnant, and it turns out that she was wasting her time.

They've been trying for six months now and every month like clock-work her period turns up. Rick's so supportive, he never gets upset about any of it. He just keeps saying that he enjoys all the sex too much to worry about if they'll ever fall pregnant. But they'll finally had enough so that's what this appointment is for.

When it's time for their appointment and they get ushered into the office Dr Cranshaw is smiling. That's got to be a good sign, right? She wouldn't be smiling if she's about to tell them bad news.

"Kate, Rick, have a seat please." Dr Cranshaw has some results up on her computer screen, what it means for them though they have no idea. "I'm happy to say that you're both in very good health. The only issue appears to be your hormone levels Kate."

"What does that mean?" Kate asks

"Your LH levels should go up during the middle of your cycle, but yours is quite low. It means that you aren't ovulating."

Kate's confused by the term because she knows that her periods have been very regular, once every 32 days, she can practically set her watch by them.

"Although you are still having your periods, your ovaries aren't releasing an egg with each cycle. And no egg means no pregnancy," the doctor goes onto explain.

"Is there something that we can do about that?" Rick asks.

"Yes, fortunately it can usually be successfully treated. I'm going to put you on clomiphene, it's a drug which will increase your chances of ovulating. The other thing I want you to do Kate is eat a bit more and cut back on the exercise. It's not uncommon for very athletic women who are slim to not ovulate."

"See Kate, now you have a reason to be a lazy bum and stay in bed all day instead of going for a run," Rick is so pleased that the answers are simple that he misses the signs of Kate's unease.

Rick's not an exercise nut like she is, so he doesn't understand that she actually enjoys running. More than that, it's a chance for her to clear her mind. After a day at work, seeing the worst that people can do to one another, a run gives her a chance to let the darkness go.

But she berates herself for being selfish, if giving up her runs means that they can have a baby then it will be worth it, she'll just have to find some other way to relax.

"Ok, I can do that." It seems a small thing to give up. What Kate doesn't realize yet is that having kids is all about sacrifice. She thinks that she's ready for that commitment but later on she'll look back and realize that she really had no idea.

**A/N: For all those women who have had children, please forgive any mistakes that I make when describing Beckett's pregnancy. I don't have kids so I'm making all this up. Hopefully it still sounds realistic.**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Nesting

Kate was going to leave him to do it all by himself, she really was. He insisted that he had it all under control so she'd gone off to have brunch with Lanie while Rick supervised the delivery men dropping off the nursery stuff.

Since Martha was now living with her partner, they'd decided to convert her old room into the nursery. It also had the advantage of dissuading his mother from ever move back in with them, as Rick put it. The new wallpaper had already been put and it now just lacked furniture.

Kate had some misgivings about letting Rick organize the whole room, sometimes he was more concerned about the fun aspect of things as opposed to the practicalities. But she could always change things later if necessary so she'd let him do this for now.

Two hours later when she returns from brunch though it looks like a building site in the room. Rick's hair is standing up in spikes, probably from him running his fingers through it in frustration, and he seems to have acquired a new bandaid on his thumb. There are boxes and paper everywhere but nothing seems to have been assembled yet. He's so focused on deciphering the instructions that he doesn't even realize that she's back.

"How's it going there Tool Man?' she asks him.

"Oh, hey you're back," he comes over to give her a quick kiss. "I certainly feel like Tim Taylor at the moment. I had to run out and get a set of hex keys because some of this stuff doesn't have regular flat head or phillips head screw. Then I managed to take the skin off the knuckle of my thumb and I still can't make head or tails of these instructions. Maybe I should have asked at the store if they also offered an assembly service when they dropped this stuff off."

"Good thing I didn't marry you for your handyman skills," she tells him, "otherwise we'd already be headed for the divorce court."

"I know, you married me for the sex, so we're bound to have a long and happy marriage. It's tough when your wife only thinks of you as a sex object but somehow I still manage to soldier on," he quips.

She rolls her eyes at that but doesn't say anything because he really is that good in the bedroom.

"Hand over the instructions there 'Mr Taylor', let's see if I can make any sense of them."

The instructions, if they could be called that, were more of an impediment than a help. They seemed to have been translated by someone who had no passing acquaintance with the English language. Fortunately there are accompanying diagrams and Kate thinks that she can figure how the damn thing fits together from the pictures.

"Ok, get me one of the bolts shaped like this," she points out the picture to Rick as she grabs the headboard of the cot.

"Yes Al."

She raises her eyebrow at him for that remark. "Do I look like Al Borland to you?"

"No, you don't wear nearly as much flannel as he does and besides if you had a beard like that then I couldn't kiss you because it would tickle my sensitive skin," he says meekly as he passes her the correct bolt.

"Make yourself useful then and support this part for me while I bolt it together."

Within fifteen minutes Kate's achieved more than he'd done the past two hours. There's a familiarity and ease with which she uses the tools that hint that this is not her first time using this kind of equipement.

"Have you done this kind of thing before?" he asks her, even after all these years and living together he's still finding out new things about Kate.

"Yeah, my dad is a real DIY enthusiast. When I was ten he built me a tree house, I used to love helping him. I knew the difference between flat head and jolt head nails by the time I was twelve."

"I can imagine you being a tom boy," he tells her as they shift the assembled cot over to the window, so that it's directly under the spinning planet mobile.

"Lucky for us that I was, or else this baby would have ended up sleeping on a mattress on the floor."

"I am indeed a very lucky man," he murmurs it against her ear as he stands behind her and rests his hands on her abdomen. Recently he's been doing that more often, although really there's nothing to feel yet. The baby is too small to feel it moving yet, and Kate's in two minds as to whether or not she has a noticeable bump yet. Sometimes she'll pull up her shirt and stand side on in front of the mirror trying to notice a difference. If she relaxes all her abdominal muscles and kind of slouchs then there is a bit of bump but that might just be her imagination and poor posture.

Between the two of them it takes another half an hour and everything is unpacked, assembled and it's correct spot. The room is all ready, now all they need is a baby to complete the picture.

"I knew that it would look totally awesome with a spaceship theme," he tells her.

She has to admit that it is a very cool nursery, although all she says is, "I don't know how any poor kid is going to sleep in here, there are just so many colors and things to distract the eyes." But there's laughter in her voice so he knows that she's only teasing him.

"You're just jealous because it's not your room. I think our baby is going to love it here." Rick kneels down so that he's talking directly to her belly now. "Can you hear me? It's your Dad talking now. Your room is all ready and I think that you're going to be very comfortable here."

She gives him a slight push as she laughs because he's being ridiculous, talking as if the baby can understand him when it's barely an inch in size.

He gets to his feet and pulls her into his arms as they both admire what they've achieved today.

"Yep, I think that the kid is going to feel right at home here." He kisses her softly and then asks, "What do you think of Taylor as a name?"

**Three years ago**

"I want you to feel like this is your home too," Rick tells her as they unpack the last of her things.

To be honest there's not a lot of stuff that she's taken with her, after all, his loft is already furnished so there's not much point in moving all of her furniture because there's simply not enough room for it. He has nicer stuff than her anyway, a reflection of the difference in their pay scales. Kate has settled for just taking her clothes, books, and items of sentimental value.

It took him a while to wear her down to the point where she's agreed to move in with him, and he started dropping hints about it practically from their first date. But Kate wanted to maintain her independence so she kept her own apartment for months even though she was practically living at his place. It was her bolt hole, a life line just in case everything went pear-shaped.

It's only now that she's accepted that he isn't going anywhere, that they're both in it for the long haul. So Kate's giving up her safety net, she'll have to trust Rick to catch her if something goes wrong.

"If you want to redecorate or anything like that at all, then we can do it," he assures her. "Just let me know."

"It's ok Rick. I've bought everything with me that's important, everything else is just … stuff. Besides I don't really have the time or inclination to colour coordinate your sheets, curtains and carpets. I think you must be mistaking me for one of your ex-wives," she teases him

"I could never mistake you for anyone else Detective," Rick kisses her, slow and sweet before he pulls back again. "But seriously I know that this is big step, moving in here. There's my mother, Alexis and me. I just don't want you to feel like you're outnumbered, or that you don't have an equal say. This is your home as well now."

"Don't worry, I think that I can hold my own against the Castles. Besides which, Alexis and Martha are on my side more often than they are on yours."

"As long as you're comfortable then I don't care if you all gang up on me constantly. I'll welcome it in fact. And to welcome you to your new home I think that we should 'christen' our new bed."

Kate laughs, "Rick, we've been sharing that bed for months now. It won't exactly be a first time for us or that bed."

"Ah yes but this will be the first time that it will be in _our_ bed instead of just _my _bed." He surprises Kate by picking her up and tossing her onto the bed, laughing as he jumps on it after her. "I have plans to 'christen' all sorts of things now that you're finally here. Welcome home."

* * *

><p>They're both laying there, sweaty and lethargic after a very satisfying session. Sensation is just returning to his extremities, quickly followed by the ability to string a sentence together. Unfortunately the ability to speak isn't linked to the higher functions in his brain which occasionally filter out his more inappropriate thoughts.<p>

"I think that we'd make beautiful babies together," he says as they snuggle afterwards.

"What the hell Rick? That's a little bit out of the blue, isn't it?" That random comment has nicely burst her post-coital haze, Kate shifts to get up out of bed.

He wraps his arms around her, pulling her back down. "I'm sorry Kate. I didn't mean it like that."

"So you don't think that we'd make beautiful babies then?"

"Yes of course our babies would be beautiful but I didn't mean to blurt it out like that."

"So what did you mean to say then?"

"I didn't mean to freak you out like that. I meant to say that I'm really glad that you're here with me. For a long time I didn't think that we'd ever get to this point."

She stares at him as she tells him the truth, "I'm glad that I'm here with you and for a while I was scared that we would never be anything more than partners and friends."

He considers telling her the rest of it, because truthfully he does think that they would make beautiful babies and that's where he thinks they are headed; marriage, children, happily ever after. Kate's like a skitterish horse though, she'll startle at the changes in their relationship but maybe she won't be so surprised if he lays out all his cards now. It'll give her a chance to get used to the ideas before they become reality.

"You know that this is it for me," he tells her. "I mean, that you are it for me, you're stuck with me forever. And one day, maybe not tomorrow, but one day I hope that you'll marry me Katherine Beckett and we'll make those beautiful babies together."

Kate doesn't say anything immediately and he begins to panic, maybe he's gone just that one step too far. And just when Rick thinks that he understands Kate, she surprises him once again.

"Richard Edgar Castle, will you marry me?"

"Yes!" he practically shouts his answer out immediately, even though she's surprised him with this unexpected proposal he's not about to give her a chance to take it back. "Yes! Yes! Yes!" Each yes is punctuated by a kiss.

Finally once he's settled down a bit from all the kissing, he asks her about why she did it. "Not that I'm complaining or anything, far from it. But I am surprised that you asked me to marry you. It took me forever to convince you to formally move in with me, I thought that it would take me a while to ease you around to the idea of getting married."

Kate doesn't answer his question immediately or at least not in a direct way.

"Did you know that I've never lived with a boyfriend before?" she tells him. "I was always too scared to make that commitment. That's why I resisted moving in with you for so long. And then one day I looked around and I realized that we were living together in all but name, I hadn't been back to my own apartment in a fortnight and I didn't miss it. We've been living together for a while and you hadn't let me down. Do you know how rare that is? That was the moment I decided to move in, that was my leap of faith. So really marriage is not that big a step beyond that. Plus when I make those beautiful babies that you keep going on about, I intend to be married to the father of those children. I'm not about to let just any old guy knock me up, what kind of a girl do you take me for?" she smiles at him

"I think that you are a very beautiful and amazing woman and that we should get married soon," he tells her, "because I fully intend to the father of each and every child that you have. "


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Breaking the news

Kate is officially into her second trimester now and has been for over a week but they still haven't told anyone yet because they were waiting for this weekend, or more specifically they're waiting for someone. They've both agreed that the first person that they would tell is Alexis, and Rick really wants to do it in person. The only problem is that Alexis is away at college so they've had to wait for her holidays.

Her plane has landed ten minutes ago but there's no sign of Alexis yet. Rick's pacing, checking the screen every few minutes to see if the details have changed at all, while Kate is relaxed enough to just sit and wait.

"How long do you think it takes for a plane to disembark? I booked her a first class ticket so in theory she should be one of the first passengers off. Unless something has happened to her?"

"Rick, it's only been ten minutes. Just sit down and wait like a normal person."

Even when he sits he's still not at rest. He keeps tapping his foot which causes the row of seats to vibrate, until Kate's had enough and she reaches over to put her hand firmly on his thigh to still the movement.

"Sorry, I'm just really excited," he apologizes. It's understandable, not only are they breaking the news that Kate's pregnant to Alexis, this is also her first trip home since she went away for college. They've been out to visit her a few months ago but this is her first time coming home. Rick has been more affected by it, after all it's his baby girl who has finally left the nest, but Kate has also missed Alexis, more than she lets on. Of course there have been regular phone calls but it's just not the same as actually having her home.

"I know. I'm excited to see Alexis as well, but let's do it quietly shall we?"

Somehow Rick manages to sit still for the further seven minutes and twelve seconds it takes before they spot Alexis' distinctive red hair. Rick jumps up immediately, his face practically pressed against the glass barrier that separates passengers from those waiting for them.

"Alexis, Alexis!" Rick's yelling her name as if the girl hasn't already spotted them and is headed their way. As soon as she's beyond the security cordon Rick has her all wrapped up in a hug, spinning her around until she's laughing.

"Gosh I've missed you," he finally sets her back on down on the ground, although he's still got one arm slung across her shoulders.

"And who are you again?" Alexis asks with a puzzled look on her face. "Your face looks kind of familiar."

Rick clutches his chest as if she's dealt him a mortal blow. "How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless child."

"Good quote Dad." Alexis is impressed.

"What can I say? Your Grams has quoted that line to me so many times, it's only fitting that I now bestow it on you."

Alexis just laughs at that before she pulls away from him so that she can give Kate a hug.

"Welcome home Alexis," Kate's welcome is a little more restrained but equally heartfelt.

"Thanks Kate, it's good to be home. I've missed you."

"Hey, how come Kate gets an 'I've missed you' and yet the man who raised you - on his own for sixteen years I might add - is a foot note in your memory?" Rick protests.

"Obviously it's because she likes me more, Alexis has good taste." Kate smirks at him.

"You're back five minutes and already it's started. The girls ganging up on me again."

"Oh come on Dad, you love it, don't lie," Alexis sandwiches herself between the other two, an arm around each as they walk over to the luggage carousel. Being away for college has opened her eyes to a whole world of new things and she's loved it, but it's also shown her how much she loves what she's left behind. Her eyes keep darting between her Dad and Kate as she fills them in on her new life.

There's so much to tell them; her room mate whose southern accent is so thick it reminds her of molasses, the bioethics professor who inspires her, and the truly atrocious food that's served in residential colleges. It feels like she's been away for years instead of just nine weeks.

Kate smiles, Alexis' stories remind her of her own college experience; she can remember what it felt like when the world and all its opportunities seem to be laid out in front of you. Of course most of those doors slammed shut after the death of her mother and her father's descent into alcoholism. There's no doubt that those events changed her, and unconsciously she lays a hand on her abdomen as she wonders if those events will also shape the child that she carries. Will her hang-ups and emotional scars affect how good a mother she turns out to be?

"Kate are you ok?" Alexis asks.

Kate looks from father to daughter, she's been so lost in her thoughts that she's still sitting inside the car while the other two are outside; they've already made it home.

"Yes, sorry I was just thinking about something."

Rick's smiling at her because he thinks he knows what on her mind, but he's only partially right. Yes, it's about the baby but her thoughts are darker than what he's imaging.

As soon as they've made it past the front door, Rick starts the ball rolling. A crowded airport is not the place to tell Alexis the good news, so he's bitten his tongue until they've gotten home. The words just want to bubble right up and out his mouth. He grabs Kate's hand as they both stand to face Alexis.

"Dad, are you ok? You're not staging an intervention on me, are you? Because I swear I'm not doing alcohol or drugs at college" Alexis is understandably confused, first it was Kate, and now it's her Dad who is acting strangely.

"Alexis … Kate and I have some good news to share with you," he pauses in order to let Kate say it.

"I'm pregnant."

There's a second of silence before the air is split by a high pitched squeal, yes she's an adult now but Alexis still squeals.

"Oh my god, I'm so happy for you." Alexis enfolds Kate in a tight hug before she jerks back slightly as if she's scared that she's hugging her too hard. "How far along are you? Do you know what you're having yet? Have you picked out a name?"

Kate laughs, it's clear that Alexis is truly happy about the prospect of a new brother or sister, so that's one less burden on her shoulders. The last thing that Kate wants is for Alexis to feel like she's being squeezed out or replaced. Rick has talked to Alexis about it before, around about the time that they were planning their wedding. And he swore that Alexis was all for it, but Kate was still worried. Rick isn't always great at understanding the inner working of the female brain. Now that she's actually seen Alexis' reaction though, Kate's mind has been set at ease.

"Slow down there. One question at a time. I'm about fourteen weeks along now. No, we don't know the sex of the baby yet. And your Dad and I are in negotiations about possible names."

"You're the first person that we've told," Rick informs his daughter, he wants to make sure that Alexis understands how important she still is to him.

"Thanks Dad." Alexis is visibly touched by the sentiment behind it.

"You don't know how hard it's been for your Dad to keep the secret. I've had to poke him hard a few times when he's almost let it slip."

"I still maintain that you did that because you're cruel and like to poke me and not because I was about to say something revealing," Rick grouches although there's really no heat in his voice. Neither of the women are fooled by his mock anger, he's smiling too proudly to be convincing. He can't help it though, this is his family, they're his life and in a few more months there's going to be a brand new little Castle joining them.

**Two and half years ago**

"What do you think of this color for the ties?" Alexis is holding up a silvery blue which will go well with both their eyes. It's their second fitting; they've had to have the morning suits tailor-made because they couldn't find anything ready made that would fit Alexis. Formal morning suits aren't designed for the half of the population with hips and breasts, they just don't sit right. As her father's best 'man' Alexis is determined to look the part, so no chiffon and silk dress for her.

"Bring it over here so I can see it," he tells her. Rick can't move for fear of being stuck with a pin, as his tailor, Marco, moves around him, making little alterations to make sure that the coat fits perfectly.

Alexis holds it up directly in front of him and he nods his approval. "Yeah I think that would work." Unlike his first two weddings, this time round it's going to be a small affair, just family and a selective group of friends. Kate's set a maximum limit of twenty people because she doesn't want a big fuss. Despite its diminutive size though, he's more stressed about this one than the previous two combined, maybe it's because he _needs_ it to be perfect for Kate.

"Ouch, I feel like a pin cushion here," Rick turns an accusing gaze onto Marco who is adjusting the left shoulder area.

Marco isn't fazed though, after all he's been doing this for thirty odd years now. "It's your own fault Rick, you moved. Besides I wouldn't have to make so many alterations if you were still the same size as when you came in for your first fitting."

Normally it's the bride who loses weight before the big day, but their relationship has always been a bit unconventional, so it's not surprising that it's Rick who has shed some pounds. He says that it's because he's worried that Kate might run off with some buff young thing when they're on their honeymoon if he doesn't.

"There, we're all done. You can get dressed back into your own clothes now. Just leave the coat in the changing room when you're done. I should have both your suits ready for a final fitting in a week's time," Marco tells Rick before he leaves them to sort out something in his back office.

It's just father and daughter now, something of a rarity in recent times. Alexis has Ashley, and her school work, with big exams coming up; while Rick's been hectic with wedding preparations, his latest Nikki Heat deadline, and Kate, so it's rarely just the two of them. He's been meaning to talk to Alexis and this is his first chance in a long time.

"How have things been with you?" he asks her as she waits for him on the other side of the changing room door.

"Fine," she's not quite sure where he's going with this question.

"It's just that there have been a lot of changes recently. Kate's moved in, your Grams has moved out to live with her boyfriend and now your old man is getting married again. That's a lot of changes," he explains.

"Yeah, but they've been good changes though. Well maybe not Grams moving out, but she's happy living with Peter, so I'm happy for her. And you and Kate getting married is definitely a good thing. This way when I finally leave home I won't have to worry about who's going to be looking after you. Change is not necessarily a bad thing."

Rick's not sure how he managed to raise such a level-headed young woman. "Well you know that there is one thing that's never going to change."

"What's that Dad?"

"You and I," he tells her. "You'll always be my baby bird no matter what happens." He's finished changing and joins her in the room, throwing his arm over her shoulders.

"Of course Dad," Alexis is too secure about her place in her father's affections to feel threatened by the changing family dynamics.

"How would you feel if some other baby birds joined you in the nest?" he asks.

"What? Is Kate pregnant? Is that why you guys are getting married?"

"No, no," he assures her. "It's just that we have talked about it and it's something that I hope will happen one day. I just wanted to know how you'd feel about that."

"Dad I've been asking for a little sister since I was eight, it's just taken you this long to finally get to the stage where I might actually get one. I think that it would be awesome," she tells him sincerely. "You've been a cool Dad and it's only fair that some other kid gets to experience that as well."

"Thank you Pumpkin," he says as he gives her a kiss on the head.

"I'm pretty sure that you'll be a really cool Gramps some day soon as well," Alexis has a cheeky grin on her face as she deliberately stirs things up.

Rick pulls back a bit, a wide-eyed startled look on his face until he realizes that Alexis is laughing at him. "That is not cool. In fact I think that it's so not cool that you won't be going away to college ever, I might just have to lock you in your room until you're at least twenty-five," he threatens her. "So not cool," he repeats again as he keeps shaking his head, which only makes her laugh even harder.

**A/N: Good to hear that people are enjoying this. I didn't deliberately set out to do the flash back thing but it just happened so that I could explain how they got to that point. Yeah this baby fic is a bit different from the usual, but I think that it's the bumps in the road that make the journey interesting.**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Sergeant Beckett

They've finally told all their friends and family and already people are starting to treat her differently. Even at work, Kate feels like her pregnancy has become the most important thing that defines her. It's as if all her other achievements in the preceding thirty-four years of her life count for nothing. Suddenly she's gone from Sergeant Beckett, a respected leader of her own detective squad, to being just a human incubator.

She catches Ryan staring at her as she drinks her morning coffee at her desk. He's got this funny look on his face as if he wasn't sure if he should speak up.

"It's freaking decaffeinated ok?" her temper finally snaps and she snarls at him, daring him to make some comment.

"Umm …yeah, sure boss," the poor guy had scampers off after that.

Kate doesn't need to intercept that look on Rick's face to know that she's over-reacted; he doesn't say anything but he doesn't need to. She stews for about ten seconds under that condemning gaze before she finally gets up from her desk.

"I'd better go and apologize to him. I don't know what's wrong with me lately," she says. That's not strictly true, she does know what's wrong, it's this damn pregnancy. Maybe it's the hormones that are making her all screwy but she just not coping all that well.

"Ryan will understand," Rick catches her hand and gives it a little squeeze.

Kate finally manages to corner Ryan in the break room where he's talking to his partner.

"Hey Esposito do you mind giving us a few minutes here?" she'd rather do this in private.

"Sure Beckett," Esposito is clearly curious about what's going on but he gives them some privacy as he heads back to his desk.

"Ryan, about before … I didn't mean to take your head off there. I guess I got up on the wrong side of the bed today. I shouldn't have yelled at you. Sorry."

"Hey it's fine," Ryan reassures her. "I got use to this when Jenny was pregnant. You should have seen her when she was about eight months along with the twins. It was scary thing; I was practically ready to pull them out myself, just to get it over and done with."

It's obvious that Ryan is exaggerating, his wife is a lovely elementary school teacher, but Kate appreciates the sentiment.

"Thanks Ryan."

"Nah, we're all good. And before, all I was going to say was that I know of this great brand of decaffeinated coffee that doesn't taste like crap. Jenny discovered it when she was pregnant. I could bring you in a box if you like, we've still got some packets left over."

"Thanks that would be great." That makes her feel even worse, she yelled at the guy and he was just being helpful. Kate knows that she needs to keep a lid on her temper, or else other people's tolerance is going to run out and she may find that she has precious few friends by the end of nine months.

* * *

><p>"Beckett, can I have a word with you in my office please?" Captain Latimer stops by Kate's desk that afternoon.<p>

"Yes Captain, I'll be right there."

Rick raises his eyebrows in a silent question but Kate just shrugs, she has no idea what this meeting is about.

Latimer is a different sort of cop from their old boss, Montgomery. She's come up the ranks via the administrative route, not on the street, so she doesn't have the same instinctive understanding of how homicide investigations work. Latimer's good at organizing people but the investigative stuff is not her strong point.

There was an initial period of friction when she first took over. Latimer is very much a by-the-book kind of cop, so the unorthodox partnership between Kate and Rick came under a lot of scrutiny. She didn't cut them as much slack as Montgomery used to, but they've come to an unofficial truce, especially when it was pointed out to her that the squad's high case clearance rate was due to the unusual pairing.

"Take a seat Beckett."

"Thanks. What's this about Captain?" Kate asks as she perches on the visitor's chair. With Latimer, she's found that the best approach is to ask her boss direct questions. Latimer can be the consummate administrator/politician, it can take a while getting to the point.

"I see that you've put in for six weeks of maternity leave."

"Yes, I'm planning on stopping two weeks before my due date and then having the first month at home with the baby. Is there a problem with that?"

"No, no problem at all. We can cover that time easily. I'm just surprised that you haven't asked for more time off, that's all. If it's because you're worried about your duties here then don't be. I'd be happy to approve more time off if you wanted it. In fact you could take up to twelve weeks if you wanted to. Of course after the first eight weeks, it would have to be unpaid leave but I'm guessing that your family finances will be able to cope without your pay for a few weeks."

Kate's not sure what to read into this offer. Is this Latimer's way of easing her out of the precinct? They weren't exactly friends but Kate thought they had a good working relationship.

"Thank you Captain, but I don't think I'll need any more time off than that. I expect to be fully up to speed within a month of having the baby."

Latimer just sits there for a few seconds, carefully weighing up her next words. It's not like her to interfere in her officers' personal lives but she can see so much of herself in Beckett.

"Look Beckett, I know that you will be fit for work within that time frame, but I'm just saying that you might want to reconsider if you _want_ to come back to work so soon." The captain pauses and points to the photo sitting on her desk. "Those are my two kids, I was a bit younger that you when I had them. I went back to work a month later after each birth, mainly because I was worried that the other guys would think that I wasn't pulling my weight. This job is very male-orientated, even in this day and age, and there are still misogynists in this department now. So if you're worried about what your colleagues will think of you then I say screw them. You have my support."

"Thanks, but I'm not doing it because I'm worried about what the boys will think. I want to come back that early."

"Beckett, let me give you a piece of advice here. The job is always going to be here, but that time with your baby doesn't come around again. I know that I have regrets about the decision that I made."

"I respect your candor ma'am, but I'm not you."

"Ok, if that's what you want …" Latimer nods her head slowly.

"It is ma'am," Kate assures her.

"If you change your mind later then just let me know. I'm going to arrange to have another detective assigned to your squad for the last five months."

"An extra pair of hands is always useful but it's not really necessary for that entire time ma'am."

"With you on administrative duties it would mean that you would be down to eight officers in the field, your squad can't operate with that number."

"But I'm not planning on doing only desk duties until I hit the six month stage," Kate protests.

"Beckett this is non-negotiable, I can't have a woman who is six months pregnant out on the beat. And believe me, when your ankles are swollen and your back is aching the last thing that you want to be doing is out canvassing witnesses or interviewing suspects. Stop trying to be Wonder Woman, there is going to be physical limitations because of your pregnancy, you just have to accept that."

Kate wants to protest some more, but Latimer isn't going to be swayed, so she bows to the inevitable.

"Yes ma'am," she says, although there's still a mutinous gleam in her eyes as she leaves the Captain's office. Why the hell is everyone treating her like she's so fragile?

**Five years ago**

The team is celebrating the capture of Scott Dunn, the 'Nikki Heat' killer, with a few beers at the local cop bar. For the moment it's just Beckett and Castle at the table as the other two guys are off playing a game of darts.

"Did you know that Agent Shaw has a kid as well?" there's a lot of admiration in Castle's voice as he brings up yet another fact about the FBI agent.

Beckett just rolls her eyes at that, for the last few days she's had to listen as Castle goes on about 'Agent Shaw did this' and 'Agent Shaw has that,' it's a little gag-inducing. It's like he has some adolescent crush on the woman.

"Yeah she told me that she has a little girl," despite herself, Beckett actually likes the FBI agent. The woman has somehow managed to blend a career with a family life despite the obstacles.

"I wonder how she does it. I mean she's got this job catching criminals, sometimes flying around the country for it and she still manages to raise a kid. I don't think that I could do it if I was her," Castle admits.

"I'm sure that it must be hard, and it probably involves some sacrifices. Agent Shaw is probably very good at time management and it helps that her husband is very supportive."

"That's not what I meant," Castle shakes his head. "I can understand the logistics involved in it. But I meant, that if I was her, then I'm not sure that I would choose to continue in a job that takes me away from my family so much. The best time in my life was when Alexis was small and I was at home with her all the time. I didn't get a nanny because I didn't want someone else to enjoy the time that I could be spending with my daughter, and I was lucky enough that my writing allowed me to do that."

"Most of us don't have the luxury of that kind of job Castle."

"But if you did, and you had a kid, what would you choose? Family or work?"

Beckett pauses to think about it. She's never been in a relationship with a guy where she could see it being long-term, let alone a guy that she'd consider having a child with. It's too hard to imagine what this imaginary partner would be like. And her decision would depend a lot on how supportive this hypothetical man would be. Would she give up her career for children? Being a cop is what has defined her for the last eight years.

"Why can't I have both? After all, men have been doing it for centuries. I think that I could be a good cop and a good mother as well. Maybe all I need to do is find myself a good house-husband." In her mind it's not a question of being one or the other, and with the right organization she really does think that she excel at both roles.

Beckett keeps talking like having a child isn't that big a deal, no more of an impact than getting a pet, like it doesn't shake up your life and change all your priorities. Castle just shakes his head, it's not something that can easily be explained to people who aren't parents. Hell, before Alexis was born he didn't understand it himself and yet in that instant his life changed.

"I'm sure that you could do both," he agrees with her. "But don't kid yourself and think that it wouldn't mean both your career and family life would have to be sacrificed sometimes. After all, you're only human and you can't be in two places at the same time."

"Yeah well just call me Wonder Woman then."

**A/N: Yeah I gave Kate a promotion, I figure that she would realistically have sat and passed the exam over that kind of time frame. And in the flash back they aren't a couple yet, hence the Beckett and Castle as opposed to Kate and Rick. Kate's really hating all the changes at the moment, hopefully there's light at the end of the tunnel though.**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: It feels real now

For some reason Kate's had a real craving for curries recently. Sure she used to enjoy Indian food before as well, but not to the point where she wants to have it every night for a week. They know of a local restaurant that makes the best beef vindaloo, the meat is so tender that it practically falls apart in your mouth. The only down side is that the spicy food makes her indigestion even worse, so she has to balance it out by chewing a bucket load of antacids afterwards.

She's about sixteen weeks along now and fortunately most of the other physical ailments that have accompanied her pregnancy have settled down now. The morning sickness has practically gone and she finally doesn't have to worry about hurling at random times of the day. The reflux is really about the only thing that troubles her at the moment. This second trimester is the honeymoon period of the pregnancy, she's enjoying it while she can because there will be a whole bunch of new things to bitch and moan about once the baby gets bigger.

Kate pinches the last bit of naan bread right out from under Rick's nose.

"Hey that's not fair," he protests. "That was my naan, you had your own."

"You snooze, you lose," she tells him as she uses the naan to mop up the last bit of the curry sauce from her plate, and to really rub it in she waves it underneath his nose.

"You're lucky that I don't take food away from pregnant women or else you wouldn't have had a chance," he warns her.

Kate just laughs at that because she's forever pinching food off his plate and he's never done a thing about it. Rick is always vowing retaliation but really he's just happy to get whatever food he can into her. He loves her figure, but he wouldn't want her to lose any weight. It's not vanity on her part, it's just that sometimes she just gets so busy that she'll skip meals because of work, he'll take the chance to fatten her up any way that he can. Even when they were just friends, he was forever bringing in food for her.

She's still laughing when something starts rumbling in her tummy, causing her to frown. It's an odd sensation, kind of like a mix between gas and a goldfish swimming around inside her. Kate concentrates, trying to decide what it is but the sensation is fleeting and it passes quickly.

"Hey, are you ok?" Rick puts his hand over hers in concern; he's been more concerned about her health during this pregnancy than she has.

"Yeah I'm fine," she fobs him off. "I think that it's just a bit of reflux." But it lacks that acid taste in the back of her mouth or the burning in her gullet.

He's already up off his seat and opening the refrigerator door to grab the Mylanta before she can say another word. Kate just drinks some of the chalky liquid, more to allay his concerns than because she thinks that she needs it.

"Better?" he asks her.

"Yeah, thanks." Whatever that was, it's gone now and she doesn't think anymore of it, until later.

* * *

><p>The next time it happens is a few days later when she's drinking a cup of peppermint tea, she started drinking the stuff when she was still getting bad morning sickness. It helped with the nausea, and eventually she actually started to enjoy the taste so she substitutes it for some of the coffee that she used to drink.<p>

She's only a quarter of the way through her first cup of the morning as she waits for her toast to be ready so the peppermint tea is the only thing that should be in her stomach at the moment. This time she's sure that it's not gas, and it's definitely not reflux either.

Could it be the baby moving? Kate lays a hand on her stomach trying to see if she can feel it this way as well as sensing it internally. She hasn't been around a lot of other pregnant women, but aren't they normally sure when they feel the baby move?

She's always imagined that it would be uncomfortable to get a foot to the bladder or an elbow to the bowel as the baby shifts around, trying to make itself comfortable within the tight limitations of her uterus. This _fluttering_ barely registers as movement, let alone discomfort or pain.

The problem is that it lasts for such a short time that she can almost convince herself that it's just her imagination. They've got another appointment with Dr Cranshaw in a couple of weeks, maybe she'll ask the doctor if this _sensation_ is anything to be concerned about.

"Your toast was getting cold," Rick leans in for a kiss as he places the plate in front of her. His hair is damp from the shower, which he's just gotten out of, and he smells good, a clean masculine scent mixed with the fragrance from his shampoo.

"Thanks, I guess I must have forgotten about it," Kate makes a deliberate decision not to tell him. Firstly she's not even sure that what she felt was really the baby moving, and secondly he's been watching her even more intensely now that she's pregnant than he ever did before. If she tells him about it, he'll want to walk around with his hand permanently attached to her abdomen so that he can feel it too. As much as she loves him, she also needs some space.

The fluttering occurs several more times over the next few days and now Kate is sure, it's definitely the baby moving, there's no need to ask her doctor about it. A few times she's even thought that she could feel the movement with her hand when she presses it against her tummy, it's like the baby is kicking back against the slight pressure that she's applying. From what she can gather from the online forums it's pretty early on in the pregnancy to be feeling fetal movements, especially for someone with their first baby, but it could be because she's so thin.

It's odd, this is the first time that she's thought about the baby as a person, separate from her. Before her thoughts have been mainly about how this pregnancy has been affecting her life; the things that she can't do any more like forgoing her cup of coffee, or how she got breathless chasing down a fat, middle-aged suspect.

But now that she can feel the baby move; it's a living being, joined and yet separate from her. It's amazing to think that her body is creating something new. For the first time she wonders about what kind of person this child is going to turn out to be. Kate doesn't like to stare too far into the future, at least not in her personal life. It feels like she might be tempting fate if she does. For a long time after her mother's death she couldn't face looking any further than the next twenty-four hours.

It's not how the child will look that she cares about, as long as it's healthy she doesn't ask for much more. Rather she wonders if the child will be a meld of Rick and her – her stubbornness, his impulsiveness – or something that is uniquely its own. What if this kid turns out to be someone that she can't relate to at all? What if the only connection between them is the festering resentment of too many missed birthdays and holidays because she was on-call?

No guarantees kid, but I'll try my best, she tells it silently. The baby kicks back, as if demanding that she honors that promise.

* * *

><p>It's been a week now since the first time that she felt the baby moveand she still hasn't told Rick yet, she's not quite sure why. She says it's because she's not sure if Rick will be able to feel the baby move yet but maybe it's because she wants to just have this little secret for a bit longer. It's selfish of her but she feels like she deserves it, after all he isn't the one who had to put up with horrendous nausea for three months, and he won't be the one who has to go through the pain of labor in order to push the child out.<p>

He keeps saying that they're in this together but sometimes she can't help but feel resentful, it's easy for him to say that when he's not the one suffering. So for now she's enjoying this on her own.

Her secret eventually comes out of the bag one night when they're watching a video. They're both on the couch; she's lying on her side using his lap as a pillow while his hand rests on her hip, his fingers trailing down over her abdomen. They're both laughing at something in the movie when the baby chooses that moment to kick her. Kate just ignores it, she's gotten use to the sensation now, but Rick freezes.

"Was that …" Rick's hand is firmly pressed into her abdomen now, trying to feel the smallest possible vibration. He's got his awed look on his face which makes her feel guilty about not telling him sooner.

"Yeah I think it was," she says. "Your son is a kicker. I think he's going to be just as annoying to his mother as his father is."

Rick's so happy that he's a bit slow with his comeback. "And I'm sure that you're going to love him as much as you love me, despite the annoyance factor. Come on kid, do it again for your old man." He wants a repeat performance, just to make sure that he wasn't imagining it the first time.

He sits there, not moving for fifteen minutes, hoping to feel that elusive movement again but there's no joy. Kate has finally had enough of the hovering though and she makes a move to push his hand away.

"Let me get up Rick, we could be here forever otherwise. I don't think he's going to do it again."

"Aww, please Kate, don't shut me out. I just want to share this with you." His words reveal more than he intended.

Kate looks up at him as she takes in the meaning of his words. It's guilt that assaults her as she realizes that it's true, she has been shutting him out. The pregnancy has been difficult and she's resorted to doing what she always does when under attack – she's retreated back into herself. It's worked for her in the past but she can't do it now, she's not on her own any more and it's not fair to Rick.

So instead of getting up Kate relaxes back again and puts her hand over his as it rests on her abdomen.

"If you push down a bit, sometimes he'll kick back," she tells Rick.

He does as she tells him but a bit too gently, he's scared of hurting his wife or child inadvertently. So Kate adds the pressure of her own hand above his, until finally the baby kicks back.

Rick's face breaks out in another huge grin, he's so proud, as if he did the kicking himself.

"Wow that was a good one."

"Yes," Kate agrees with him. "It definitely feels real now," and she's not just talking about the kick.

**Three and a half months ago**

Kate's a week late now, seven days past when her period should have started. They both know this fact very well because for the last few months they've been marking it out on the calendar in their room along with the days that she should be ovulating. Everything has become a timetable; when they should have sex because she's fertile and what days they should abstain in order to increase his sperm count.

It's all so regimented that she's kind of sick of it already. It's sex for the sake of becoming pregnant, rather than because she's actually in love with this man. What does it say about them that sex has become a routine between them?

All of that has lead up to this point, and hopefully it will all be worth it; Kate's late and they've decided to take the test now. Rick wanted her to do it a couple of days ago but they've come to this point before and been disappointed so she's refused to do it until now. At first they used to do the test the day after her period was due, but too many disappointments have taught her to wait a bit longer.

"How long does it take you pee?" he asks as he waits on the other side of the bathroom door. Even though he's seen her naked hundreds of times now she still refuses to pee in front of him, there are just some things that she doesn't feel the need to share with him.

"I'm done," she tells him as she exits the bathroom.

"So … are we …?" he tries to read the answer in her face.

"I don't know yet," Kate shrugs as she bites her bottom lip. "I've left it on top of the sink. There's still a few more minutes to wait."

Rick wants to rush in there and pick up that bit of white plastic so that he'll know as soon as the answer shows up but instead he wraps his arms around his wife as they wait.

"What if it's negative again?" she whispers into his chest.

"Then we'll keep trying," he tells her.

It's a good answer but it doesn't address the real issue.

"What if it's always going to negative?" there, she's said it now.

"Then we've still got each other and we have Alexis, and that is more than enough for me," he assures her.

They stand there, holding onto each other until more than enough time has passed.

"Are you ready to go look now?" he asks her finally.

"No. I don't want to look, you do it," she tells him as she buries her head against his shoulder.

"Come on, lets do this together," he holds onto her hand, pulling her after him into the bathroom.

They both look down and there it is, the positive sign that means that their lives are about to change. Rick gives a big whoop of delight as he picks her up and spins them both around, coming perilously close to making them both fall down on their asses.

When he finally puts her down Kate picks up the pregnancy test and stares at it as if she can't believe that it's true. Maybe she should take the test again, just to make sure that the first one wasn't faulty. Even with the evidence right in front of her eyes she can't quite believe that she's pregnant, it just doesn't feel real yet.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7: It's a !

The blonde woman has been stealing glances at Rick for the last ten minutes, he's not sure if it's because she's recognized him or if it's because he's a male sitting by himself in the waiting room of an obstetrics practice; everyone else here is either female or part of a couple. He fishes his phone out to see if there are any new messages on it even though he knows that there won't be. The last text was twenty minutes ago from Kate saying that she was going to be a bit late. As he predicted there's no follow up text and their appointment was meant to be ten minutes ago, so he rings her up.

"Kate where are you? I'm starting to get a few bit looks, sitting here by myself waiting to see your OBGYN."

"Sorry Rick, I'm just getting out of the car now, I had to park about two blocks away so I should be there in about five minutes," she sounds a little bit short of breath, as if she's practically running there.

"Ok, I'll see you shortly then."

Rick goes up to the receptionist and apologizes once again, "I'm really sorry but my wife still isn't here, she's a cop and she got stuck at work. I've just talked to her though and she's not too far away. Do you think we can push our appointment back another five minutes?" He's using all of his charm and she seems to be falling for it.

"That's ok Mr. Castle. The next couple after you actually turned up early so Dr Cranshaw is seeing them now. We can squeeze you guys in after that."

He goes back to reclaim his seat, walking directly past the blonde woman who was staring at him before.

"My wife is running late," he tells her as he sits down again, for some reason he feels like he needs to explain his solo presence here.

When Kate finally arrives Rick makes a big production of giving her a kiss on the cheek before they sit to wait their turn.

"This is my wife," he says to the room at large and the blonde in particular – she just looks at him as if he's gone crazy - as he points at Kate. "Thank god you're here," he tells Kate in a quieter voice, "I think the other people were starting to think that I was some kind of pervert hanging out in a women's clinic by myself."

"Sorry I got delayed in court. How were your meetings this morning?"

"I thought that Gina had gotten her pound of flesh when we got divorced but it turns out that that wasn't enough to satisfy her. Contractually I'm obliged to do a minimum one week book tour once the next Nikki Heat novel comes out; she wants me to go the first week of September."

"Oh," Kate's surprised by the timing although she was aware that his book was due out at around about that time, she'll be about thirty-two weeks by that stage.

"Don't worry," he says, "I told Gina that it wasn't going to happen. I'm not about to leave you alone when you're that far along. She wasn't too happy about that, but if she keeps pressing then I'll let the lawyers fight it out."

"I think that you should go," Kate surprises him with that.

"No," Rick protests. "I want to be there for you."

"You should go," she repeats it again. "I'll be fine, besides if you don't do it in September she'll just make you do it later. I'd rather have you around after the baby is born, just in case I drop it on its head or something."

Rick still looks skeptical about it but there's no time for any further discussion because the receptionist is calling out their name, or rather she's calling out Kate's name.

"Mr. and Mrs. Beckett? Dr Cranshaw is ready to see you now."

The appointment is booked in her name and the receptionist has jumped to the wrong conclusion and decided that it must be her married name.

Kate didn't take his surname when they got married, preferring to keep her own for the sake of maintaining anonymity but also because she felt the need to assert herself as a independent, modern woman. Even so, there have been plenty of occasions when she's been called Mrs. Castle both in her personal and professional life. She corrects the offender with a curt 'Sergeant Beckett' each time. This is the first time that the shoe has been on the other foot and makes her lips twist up in amusement as she looks at her husband.

"Shall we go then Mr. Beckett?"

* * *

><p>"The baby is growing well and everything looks good," Dr Cranshaw assures them as she presses the ultrasound hand-piece over Kate's abdomen.<p>

The picture is still grainy but even to the untrained eye it definitely looks like a baby now rather than a tadpole. They can even see it kicking, as if to protest against the pressure from the scanner.

"Do you want to know the gender of your baby?" the doctor asks them.

"Yes," Kate doesn't like surprises, she'd rather know.

"No," Rick says simultaneously.

The couple exchanges a glance; they've talked about this quite a bit but they still can't agree. Kate thinks that it's only practical to know beforehand; it's not like she's going to rush out and buy only blue or pink clothes but at least she can cut down on the pool of potential names to consider. Rick, on the other hand, thinks that knowing in advance cuts out some of the magic and joy of the delivery. He only wants to find out on the day that he actually gets to meet his new daughter or son.

"So do you want to know?" Dr Cranshaw repeats the question again.

"Maybe you could write it down on a bit of paper for me and Rick can find out at the time of delivery," Kate suggests a compromise.

"Ok," Dr Cranshaw just smiles; she's seen this situation many times before. If one partner knows the sex of the baby then it takes a lot of discipline for the other partner to hold out until delivery time. Nine times out of ten they cave long before the baby is born. "Everything else looks good at the moment, your tests and recordings are all good and it looks like you've even managed to gain a bit of weight which is good. How are your reflux symptoms going?"

"It's better on the medication. As long as I am careful to eat small amounts often then I can live with it," Kate says.

"Good. We'll make another appointment for a fortnight from now. I'll leave you alone to get dressed now."

* * *

><p>Rick's eyes are on the television as they settle on the couch after dinner, he makes a point of not peeking as Kate opens the envelope. She doesn't say anything after she reads what Dr Cranshaw has written there, she just puts the sheet of paper down on the coffee table. There's a contemplative look on her face as she rubs her very slight baby bump.<p>

For a whole five minutes there is silence as Rick battles against his curiosity. He loves surprises but there is still another twenty-one weeks left before Kate's due date, that seems a long time away. Out of the corner of his eye he looks at that bit of paper but unfortunately he hasn't developed x-ray vision recently so he can't read anything on that folded bit of scrap.

"So are you happy about the sex of the baby?" he asks nonchalantly.

Kate's head swings around at his question so that she's looking at him now.

"As long as the baby is healthy I'll be happy, I don't really care what sex it is."

It's a perfectly good answer which gives him absolutely no clues as to what was written on that bit of paper. Kate smirks to herself because she knows exactly what he's up to. He's made such a big fuss about not wanting to know beforehand and yet he's trying to coax little clues out of her. She's going to make him ask the question out loud if he really wants to know.

Rick tries again, "When Dr Cranshaw was doing the scan I'm sure that I saw a pecker on the little guy, did you see it as well?"

"Do you think so?" Kate replies to his question with one of her own, nothing in her tone either agrees or disagrees with him. She lets him try to puzzle that one out for a few minutes before she finally says, "Rick, if you really want to know then just ask me, I'll be happy to tell you."

"You're enjoying this aren't you?" he accuses her.

"You bet I am," she tells him with a gloating smile. "You called me a party pooper when I said that I wanted to know. Imagine my surprise when it turns out that you're dying to know as well. What do you reckon this bit of information is worth? I'm thinking that it's worth at least a groveling apology for the name calling, or do you want to wait for the delivery still?"

Indecision wars in his gaze as Rick tries to decide what's more important; satisfying his burning curiosity or meeting the challenge that Kate has laid down for him. There's a split second and then his hand whips out to swipe the note off the table. Rick has this big grin on his face as he thinks that he's outsmarted Kate but it quickly fades when he realizes that the note is blank.

"Hey there's nothing on this," he complains.

"I know; did you really think that I'd leave an important bit of information just lying there where anyone could pick it up?" Kate taunts her husband with a big grin. "And just for that little stunt I think that the price has gone up to a groveling apology AND a pretty please."

Rick knows when he's beaten so he drops to his knees before Kate, pretending to kiss her feet. He's clutching at her ankles as he grovels, "As your abject servant and husband I want to beg your forgiveness for having ever called you anything less than flattering and would you please, pretty please, tell me what sex our baby is?"

She's laughing so hard as she tries to kick free of his hold on her legs that she can't even answer at first. "Rick, Rick! Stop it."

He's trying to kiss her palms now, like some kind of supplicant before a medieval lord, even as Kate is trying to pull away.

"Rick if you stop it then I'll tell you," she promises.

He pauses in his efforts to look up at her, "I was just holding up my end of the bargain. So tell me what are we having?"

"It's a boy."

"We're having a boy, we're having a boy!" he shouts.

Rick leaps to his feet and he's grabbed her in his arms as he spins them around until they're both dizzy and he collapses back onto the couch with Kate still in his embrace.

"So I take it that you're happy then?" Kate asks him as they continue to cuddle.

He gives a little shrug, "I'd be happy either way. It's just … it's just exciting; you know."

"Yeah, I know."

**Twenty-one years ago**

"The baby is starting to crown, I want you to give a big push with the next contraction. It's not much longer to go," the doctor encourages Meredith as she pants in between the spasms.

"Did you hear that honey? The doctor says that you're almost there," Rick holds one of her hands as he rubs little circles on her back with the other.

"If you ever get me in this condition again I swear I'm going to shoot you Rick," she threatens him once she gets her breath back. Even with the epidural anesthetic numbing the pain, seven hours of labor have worn her down past her endurance.

"She doesn't mean that," he tells the doctor with a nervous laugh, or at least he hopes that she doesn't. Having grown up as an only child, Rick wants at least two or three kids of his own.

"I do mean it! Arghhhh!" whatever threat Meredith was about to make is interrupted by her scream as the next contraction arrives.

"Push," the doctor encourages her but it isn't really necessary as her body is already doing what feels natural.

Her eyes are screwed up and her nails are digging little crescent shaped gouges into Rick's hand as every muscle in her body contracts in her efforts to force the baby out. Rick is positioned to her side and slightly behind her so that he's supporting her back, from that spot he can't see much of what is going on down there.

"Push Meredith, push" Rick adds his own encouragement.

Her body relaxes for a second before she tenses again, another scream splits the air as Meredith gives a second big heave and suddenly the doctor's arms are full of a squirming, slippery, red-faced infant, the baby's cries adding to the noise in the room.

There's a nurse standing by with a blanket to wrap the baby in even as the umbilical cord is tied off and cut.

"It's a girl, congratulations. Here you go," the doctor tells the couple as she holds the baby out to them. Meredith makes no move to take the baby though, she's collapsed back onto the bed as she recovers from her effort, so Rick takes his new daughter instead.

There's blood covering part of the baby's face and he uses a corner of the blanket to wipe at it gently. Her face is a little bit squished from the trauma of the birth, and she's still a bit red from her screaming as if she's protesting this abrupt introduction to the world. She's practically bald, only a few strands of fine – possibly red? - hair covers her head, almost like down. Despite all of this she is the most perfect thing he has ever seen.

"Hello Alexis Castle, I'm your daddy. Welcome to the world."


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8: Keeping up with the Joneses

There are about ten couples gathered in the conference room of the obstetrics practice. Dr Cranshaw's practice has about six other doctors and so the clinic runs a combined antenatal class for all their patients. The practice has the reputation of being the best in New York and that costs money, which in turn is reflected in the type of patients who are seen there.

As Kate looks around the room at all the other couples she realizes that she's the most casually dressed woman there. She's wearing jeans and a t-shirt, with her hair up in a loose bun, clothes that she thought would be comfortable and suitable for an antenatal class. Instead she sticks out like a sore thumb.

"Wow I'm feeling seriously under-dressed," she whispers to Rick as they take some seats near the back of the room.

The other women here seem to be in two different camps, about a quarter are dressed like they've come from the court room or the top floor office of some financial firm, maybe they've come direct from work, and the rest wouldn't look out of place at some Michelin-starred restaurant.

If your clothes say something about you then these women's clothing shouts money. It's about showing off how much you have or at least how much you want people to think you have. That's never been Kate, and it hasn't changed since she married Rick. She uses the money from her cop's salary if she's buying stuff for herself as opposed to using his money no matter how much he keeps trying to convince her that it's her money too. She still buys stuff from the regular chain stores instead of all-designer gear; she even has clothes in her wardrobe from eight years ago.

"You're still the most stunning woman in the room," Rick whispers back.

Kate just rolls her eyes at that because she knows that he's a little bit biased and also because she wasn't looking for reassurance. She's comfortable enough in her own skin and sure enough of their relationship that she's learnt not to stress about this kind of thing.

There's no time for any further comments as the woman who is leading the class stands up to introduce herself.

"Hi everyone, my name is Anne. I'm a mid-wife at the clinic and I'll be running these classes for the next four weeks. If everyone could write their name on a sticker and place it on their top, that would be helpful. We're going to get to know each other very well so hopefully we'll only need to do this for the first couple of sessions," the middle-aged woman hands out a marker pen and a sheet of stickers to the couple sitting in the front row to start the process off.

"We'll start off by introducing ourselves. Yes I know, it's a bit geeky and very reminiscent of school camps but the friends that you make at your antenatal classes can form the basis of a great support network. Believe me, my coffee group is still the same women that I met at my first antenatal class and my eldest child is now twelve. How about we start with you guys in the back there?"

Twenty heads turn to look back at Rick and Kate expectantly.

"Hi I'm Kate."

"And I'm her husband Rick."

It's not exactly what Anne was after because she jumps in before the next couple can introduce themselves, "Would you guys like to share something else as well with the class? Just something small will do."

Kate and Rick exchange a look, not sure what to add.

"How about what are you looking forward to with the pregnancy?" Anne prompts them.

"I'm looking forward to not being pregnant any more so that I can eat and drink what I feel like again," Kate says.

Anne looks a little bit surprised by Kate's answer, it's not exactly the warm and fluffy response that she was looking for but some of the other women are smiling and nodding in clear agreement with Kate.

"And I'm looking forward to her not being pregnant as well. She can be a grumpy tyrant without her coffee," Rick plays the hen-pecked husband for laughs.

They proceed around the room until everyone has introduced themselves, Kate only manages to remember half the names but she's not too concerned. Somehow she doesn't think that she's going to have the time to attend a lot of coffee groups or play-dates after the baby is born.

Kate spends the next thirty minutes laughing through the video that they are shown which is meant to showcase the joy of birth. She tries to do it silently but her attempts aren't helped by the little comments that Rick keeps making throughout it all.

"Do you think that noise is meant to mimic the sound of a blue whale giving birth?" he whispers to her as 'soothing music' plays as the background track. That comment gets a little twitch of her lips as she tries to suppress the smile.

"It kind of reminds me of when Mother attempted violin lessons, my ears are still ringing from that," he screws up his face and gives a little shudder at the memory. "Seriously who listens to music like that during a delivery?"

Kate gives him a little nudge with the elbow to shut up, someone has to play the adult out of the two of them but in reality she agrees with everything that he's said. The video is so over the top in its attempts to be politically correct that if you didn't laugh at it then you'd want to cringe instead.

"Oh my god is that actress meant to be giving birth or is it a re-enactment of that scene from Alien?" Rick sounds horrified. "How would you explain that to the husband, _sorry honey I had an affair with ET?_" he says the last part in a falsetto voice. "Do you think that I could get a copy of this for Alexis? It would scare her off sex for years."

A few guffaws of laughter do escape her but fortunately the room has been darkened for the projector screen so no-one else can be sure exactly where the noise has originated from. The instructor does look suspiciously at them though when the lights finally come back on.

"We're going to take a little break now. There's refreshments on the table, please help yourselves. If anyone has any questions about that video then please feel free to come up to me and ask. Just remember there are no stupid questions, there are only questions that we haven't asked yet," Anne says with a bright smile on her face, she's like the Mary Poppins of midwives.

There's an initial awkward pause, like the first day at a new school when you hang back because you don't know anyone else, until finally people start talking to the ones nearest them.

Rick and Kate end up chatting with an overly tanned gentleman and his Stepford wife.

"Hi, I'm Jake and this is my wife, Rachel. You're an author, right? I thought that I recognized your face from somewhere," the guy is talking so fast that no-one else can manage to get a word in edgewise. "I'm a property developer myself, in fact I'm working on a block of new apartments in the Theatre district, Aspire Towers, maybe you've heard of it."

Kate nods politely although Jake is a bit of a bore and she's never heard of the building that he's referring to.

"If you're looking to invest then I could get you a prospectus," Jake says it like he's doing them a huge favor.

"No thanks, we're not really into that kind of thing," Rick politely declines the offer. Unfortunately he does actually know this guy, by reputation at least. Jake's company is well known for tearing down historic, character-filled buildings and erecting drab monstrosities in their place.

"I'm telling you, this thing could make you a fortune," Jake's worse than a used cars salesman with his hard sell approach.

Rick just shrugs; any verbal reply is likely to just egg this guy on further. Fortunately Jake gets the hint and drops the topic but it leaves an awkward silence. Kate's trying to figure out how to make their escape from the situation when Rachel speaks up to diffuse the tension like a good hostess.

"You men; always talking business. Please forgive my husband, he just gets so passionate about his work that he sometimes forgets that other people don't find it quite as interesting," Rachel directs her comments to Kate as if they share some kinship because they're both women. "Tell me Kate, what is it that you do?"

"I'm a cop," Kate replies blandly.

"Oh, that's …nice," both Rachel and Jake seem a little taken back by this, it's almost as if she'd cursed in front of a bunch of nuns. Obviously being a cop is not on the approved occupations list for New York society wives.

Rick finds their reaction funny because his next comments are meant to further scandalize them. "Yeah Kate's a great cop. She's taken me into the police station on a couple of occasions for questioning, in fact that's how we met, she arrested me one day. Between the handcuffs and the bars, how could I not fall in love with her?"

Kate rolls her eyes at Rick's sense of humor, no doubt when they're both old and grey he'll be recounting the same story to their grandchildren about how their grandmother almost arrested their grandfather the first time that they met. She's tried many times to correct him, to point out that he was just being questioned but Rick always says that he's a writer so he's allowed a bit of creative license.

The other couple don't react the same way though, they seem more horrified than anything else and they soon make their apologies and are edging away, eager to make their escape from the insane writer and cop.

* * *

><p>Rick's still laughing about it when they get home later that night, "I thought that woman's eyes were going to pop right out of her head, she looked so surprised."<p>

"I think that the word that you were after was horrified, she looked horrified not surprised," Kate corrects him. "Somehow I don't think that we'll be getting any invitations over to their place for a social catch-up any time soon."

"_Did you hear what he said about handcuffs darling? Those two are definitely not our kind of people_," Rick does a bad imitation of Rachel's voice.

Kate laughs, "Is it too late to sign up for a different antenatal class? I'm not sure that we're going to be welcomed back after your antics tonight."

"Me?" Rick holds a hand up to his chest in protested innocence. "What did I do? I was well behaved, a regular boy scout in fact."

"Firstly we both know that you were never a boy scout," Kate tells her husband. "And secondly, aside from scaring Jake and Rachel off, what about those questions that you asked about nappies?"

"Hey, that woman in the cream suit started it. Seriously she reminded me of those kids at school who just ask the teacher questions so that they can show off how much they already know. _Ecologically is it better to go with the biodegradable nappy liners or the nappy laundry service?_"

"Ok, so she was being a bit of a showoff with that question but did you really have to egg her on by asking if the liners came in a range of colors?"

"The scary thing is that she knew the answer," Rick gives a little shudder at the memory. "That class has a lot of competitive, Type-A, 'stab you in the back as they climb up the ladder' people."

"It's because of the money," Kate says.

"Hey we have money and I'd like to think that we're not like that at all."

"No we're not but then we're not trying to keep up with the Joneses."

**Three and a half years ago**

Kate nervously smoothes down the black satin of the cocktail dress that she's wearing as they wait for the car service to pick them up. Rick's picked up on the way that she keeps fidgeting with her clothes and watch, he's never really seen Kate Beckett nervous before so he's not quite sure what to make of it.

"You look beautiful," he tells her as he holds her hand.

"Thanks," she says in an offhand kind of way. Kate knows that she looks good, that's not what is bothering her tonight. It's a big night for her; it's the gala dinner to raise money for her mother's scholarship fund.

"Are you nervous about having to give a speech?" Rick guesses at the source of her discomfort.

Kate just shakes her head, too embarrassed to tell him the reason for why she's as restless as a teenager before prom. It's not the thought of standing up in front of three hundred people and telling them why they should part with a great deal of money. Up there on the podium it will be a bit impersonal, she won't be able to make out individual faces or have to remember people's names. No it's the part that comes before and after the speech that scares her.

It's making small talk with the rich and famous people who are coming here tonight. She's the host so it will be her job to mingle with the guests, to make them feel like they have a personal stake in the scholarship charity, that they're not just there to make up the numbers. If it goes well then these same people will want to come back again next year and the year after that.

Her worry is that she's not sure that she can do it. She's a cop for god's sake, what does she have in common with these people who are coming here tonight? She can't talk about business, or how the stock market is going or what the Ladies Auxiliary Association is doing at the next garden party. And it's not like she can tell them about the drug dealer she managed to arrest today for killing one of his rivals.

This just isn't her world, but it is his. Rick can schmooze with the best of them; he does it all the time for his PR events. He can fit in so seamlessly into this world, rubbing shoulders with the other privileged few. He belongs there and yet at the same time he also belongs with her.

He demonstrates just how well they fit together by what he does next. Kate still hasn't told him what's bothering her but she doesn't need to.

"You're going to do fine tonight. You've captivated me from day one and those people at the dinner tonight won't know what's hit them," he puts his hand under her chin, lifting her head up so that she's looking him in the eye. "So, are you still feeling nervous _Kitten_?"

"Kitten! Did you just call me Kitten?" she splutters out in an indignant tone.

Rick just grins; it's worked because she's no longer nervous.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9: Stretchy pants

Not matter how much Kate sucks her breath in the pants just won't fit, and these are her fat pants, the ones that she wears on the days that she's overindulged on ice cream or cake. There's a half inch gap between the button and the button-hole that just refuse to meet. She collapses back onto the bed giving up the fight; it's not going to happen.

It's stupid but she feels upset that she can't fit into her clothes any more. No matter how many times she keeps telling herself that she's allowed to get bigger because she's pregnant it doesn't negate the fact that she's feeling particularly unattractive at the moment. People tell her that she 'glows' or is looking very 'healthy', all she sees is an expanding waistline and swollen ankles. She's only five months along and she's only going to get bigger from here.

Kate's been putting this day off for as long as possible but now she has to face the truth, none of her pants fit anymore. She's going to be one of those women who have to buy the jeans with the elastic waist band. What the hell, she might as well go all out and get some granny panties at the same time, the ones that you can pull up to under your armpits.

She gives herself a moment to wallow in self pity before she drags her sorry ass over to the wardrobe to find something that actually fits her. In the end she settles for a pair of stretchy leggings and a loose floaty blouse, it doesn't exactly shout sexy but it's not a total fashion disaster either.

"Kate, are you ready to go?" Rick calls out as he makes his way from the kitchen. "Lanie just called, she and Esposito are going to meet us at the stadium because they're running late." He pops his head into the bedroom to find his wife staring into the walk-in wardrobe still so he can be forgiven for the way he sticks his foot into his mouth with the next comment. "Honey I thought that you'd changed already, we need to get going."

It's not meant to be disparaging in any way at all but that's the way that Kate takes it. She tenses, taking a moment to make sure that her voice doesn't betray the hurt that she feels before she replies, "I'll be right there Rick, just give me minute. Can you please grab my phone for me? I think that I left it in the kitchen."

Normally this would be no big deal, she'd make some teasing comment that his eyesight must be going in his old age if he can't tell that she's already changed, Rick would pretend to be all hurt about it and that would be that. But today it's the wrong comment at the wrong time and her confidence takes a direct blow.

As soon as Rick has left the room Kate rips off the clothes that she had just put on, brushing away at the tears that are trailing down her face. He used to call her beautiful and stare at her for hours on end in a way that she termed creepy, now he doesn't think that she looks good enough to go to a basketball game dressed the way that she is. A floral print sundress is the first thing that comes to hand, the weather is a little too cool for it but Kate doesn't care, with its high waistline at least it will fit.

"I can't find your phone, are you sure that it's in the kitchen Kate?" Rick calls out from the kitchen.

"Sorry I've found it now," Kate says as she splashes some cold water on her face to hide the evidence of her crying. She takes one last look in the mirror, she still doesn't like what she sees but it's not going to get any better than that so she shakes it off and leaves to find her husband.

* * *

><p>They've got courtside seats about a third of the way along the side, Lanie and Kate are seated next to each other while the guys form bookends at either side. The Knicks are having a terrific game, Amar'e Stoudemire leading the way with eighteen points and 6 rebounds in the first two quarters. It's been a great time spent with friends, something that they just don't get the chance to do all that often, just relax and enjoy each other's company without the stress of work.<p>

The noise in the stadium is deafening during the halftime break as music blasts out while the cheerleaders do their thing in centre court. Kate has to almost shout in Lanie's ear in order to continue their conversation because you can't hear anything otherwise.

"Hey do you want to go shopping with me next Sat? I need to get some maternity clothes and I need your advice so I don't end up looking like the 'before' shots in a television makeover show."

"Sounds like heaven, I get to go shopping and spend someone else's money, that's two of my favorite activities. I know this great shop that sells some serious 'come to momma' clothes," Lanie's eyes light up at the chance to makeover Kate's wardrobe.

"Hey Lanie don't get too carried away, I'm not looking to do a Demi Moore on the cover of Vanity Fair," Kate warns her, Lanie's taste can be a little more extravagant than her own.

"I'm talking classy and sexy, writer boy is going to go nuts over it," Lanie can see that Kate is still looking dubious. "Girl have I ever steered you wrong?"

Kate gives her a pointed look.

"Ok forget about that blind date that I set up for you with the firefighter. I'm talking about fashion here, and if there's one thing that I know about, other than dead bodies, it's clothes."

Kate's still in two minds about it when she happens to glance at her husband, he's staring as if mesmerized at the sight of the cheerleaders. Maybe he's just admiring their co-ordination and athleticism as they do flips and jumps but equally he might just be admiring their slim, perky, young, non-pregnant bodies.

Jealousy seems like such a petty emotion but it is still a strong motivator. How long has it been since her husband looked at her in the same way? There used to be a zing that she would feel when Rick looked at her, a march of pinpricks across her skin. Just knowing how much he wanted her was the strongest aphrodisiac in the world. Somewhere along the way she's lost that feeling, they've settled into comfortable and complaisant but that's not enough. How that happened or whose fault it was doesn't really matter, all Kate knows is that she wants the passion back again.

"Ok Lanie let's do it," Kate turns back to look at her friend, she want to blow Rick's socks off.

* * *

><p>He's staring out into space, not really paying any attention to the halftime entertainment as he tries to fathom the mystery that is his wife. Something is up with her but she won't tell him anything. Even now that they're married Kate still doesn't share things easily, he's gotten very good at watching her to figure out exactly what's going on in that brilliant mind of hers but at the moment he has no clue.<p>

He's still clueless by the time they leave the Garden, streaming out of the stadium with all the other basketball fans. The evening air is quite brisk and Kate gives a little shiver as rows of goose bumps break out all along her arms. The summer dress that she has on doesn't afford much protection from the cold so he takes off his jacket and places it over her shoulders.

It dwarfs her, covering up her figure entirely. He thought that she'd be grateful for the added warmth but instead she almost looks … hurt by his gesture? There's no point in asking Kate about it now, not when there's other people around but even later when they're home alone she shrugs it off and won't answer his question.

"What's wrong Kate? You've been acting weirdly all night," he tells her as they get ready for bed.

"There's nothing wrong," she claims as she exits the bathroom after brushing her teeth. "I might sleep in the spare bedroom tonight."

"What? Why?" Rick's confused by all of this, they've shared the same bed since she's moved in.

"I'm getting up five times a night to pee and I don't want to wake up you all the time. Plus you have that early meeting tomorrow with Gina, you don't want to be grumpy and sleep deprived before having to cope with that."

"No it's fine, I don't mind. I fall back to sleep pretty quickly."

"It's just for tonight Rick. I'll see you in the morning."

Rick watches with confusion as his wife walking out of their bedroom, something is wrong in their marriage and he has no idea how to fix it.

**Five and a half years ago**

Even heavily discounted for the mid-year sales it is way too expensive for Kate to afford on her cop's salary. She's walked past the blue Herve Leger dress about three times and something keeps pulling her back.

There are lots of reasons why she shouldn't buy it, good practical reasons. It's not her usual style because shows too much skin with its plunging neckline which ends about level with the bottom of her sternum and the cutout back. She'll probably never wear it beyond this one occasion; it's not the kind of thing that one wears to a homicide scene or even to a weekend brunch. It costs too much; she could buy three practical outfits for work for the cost of this one dress. She doesn't have any heels that would go with this dress; she'd have to buy new shoes as well if she bought it.

All these thoughts keep running through her head and yet she finds herself circling around the racks back to this one dress. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to just try the dress on, it might not fit her or it might just sit wrong with odd bulges in funny places. That's what Kate tells herself as she locks the door to the change room, if it doesn't look good on her then no harm no foul.

She slips out of the comfort of her jeans and t-shirt and lifts the dress above her head; the silk lining feels cool against her skin as the dress floats into place. There's a hidden zipper along the side that she fastens before looking up to see her reflection in the mirror. Her worst fears are confirmed, the dress is perfect.

It fits her like a second skin, hugging and accentuating the curves of her body. The upper slopes of her breasts are on display but it's still tasteful enough that she wouldn't be embarrassed if her father saw her in it, it doesn't cross the line into crass.

She gives a little twirl, looking at her reflection from every angle and she can't see a thing that she can fault with this dress. It looks good and she looks sexy and sophisticated in it. She was hoping to find something wrong, some design fault or reason for why she shouldn't buy it but there's nothing.

So despite all the good, practical reasons for not buying this dress Kate finds herself handing over her credit card as the saleswoman rings up the purchase on the till. All those cons don't outweigh the most important thing in the pros column; when Castle sees her in this dress it will knock his socks off.

* * *

><p>Kate fusses with the double strand of her necklace, she's having second thoughts about not wearing that silk scarf, it would have at least covered up some of the cleavage. It's too late now though, she can hear the buzz of conversations and music coming from the inside of the function room where the book party for 'Heat Wave' is being held.<p>

For a second she almost bales out; she could just turn around, go home and no-one would be the wiser. That moment passes though, Kate Beckett isn't a coward. She's put up with him trailing around after her for the last year; with annoyance at first but somehow that's matured into a friendship of sorts. So she's here to show her support, to be a good friend or at least that's the lie that she tells herself.

The flash of the cameras blinds her as she walks into the room and someone yells out, "Hey! It's Nikki Heat."

It's not the low key entrance that she was hoping for; Kate doesn't look right or left as she runs the gauntlet of the press. Once inside it takes her eyes a second to adjust as she scans the room; is it a force of habit or because she's looking for someone?

Castle's sitting in a booth right across the other side of the room talking with someone and yet somehow he looks up at that precise moment to meet her eyes as if he's aware of exactly when she walked into the room. There's a startled look on his face and his mouth hangs open mid-sentence as he looks at her, it's precisely the reaction that she was secretly hoping for when she bought this horrendously expensive dress.

He's looking at her like she's the only woman in the room, it makes her feel very feminine, sexy … powerful. Even if she had a gun to her head Kate would never admit it but there is a cord of mutual desire that runs between the two of them. It pulls and tugs at her but she doesn't go over to him. Instead fear makes her turn away and spotting a familiar face she runs for the safety of Captain Montgomery.

Even as she walks away from him though Kate can still feel his eyes on her, it's like a feathery caress that sends a flush to her cheeks and a sparkle in her eyes. He makes sexual innuendos and they have their banter, both Kate and Rick are careful to keep it light and playful but underneath all of that she knows that he wants her, he wants her badly, it's all there in his hungry gaze as she walks away.

**A/N: I wanted to convey the sense that Kate is feeling unattractive and her reaction to that is to push him away. It's miscommunication and seeing things in their partner that isn't actually there, how little things all add up into bigger problems. Not sure that it comes out that clearly in this chapter but that's what I was aiming for.**


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10: Dressed to impress

Lanie holds up a sheer lace camisole that hardly covers up anything. The two front panels are held together by a single tie that sits at about breast level, it's not designed to cover up the pregnancy, if anything it draws attention to the belly area.

"Girl you have to try this one on, it is seriously sexy."

Kate's shaking her head but Lanie isn't about to take no for an answer.

"Our deal was that I would come shopping with you but you have to try on all the clothes that I suggest. You don't have to buy them but you do have to try them on," Lanie says with a determined glint in her eyes.

"That's more of a handkerchief than an item of clothing," Kate protests even as the camisole is added to the pile of clothes that they have accumulated for her to try out.

Kate has to admit that she's intrigued by the things that Lanie has picked out for her, it's like having your own personal stylist go shopping with you, someone who has flair and won't let you hide behind the safe, conservative choices. After fifteen minutes in the shop they already have eight items of clothing for consideration, most of which Lanie has selected.

"I think that this is enough to start with, why don't you go into the changing room and try some of them on. I'll be waiting for the fashion parade on the other side," Lanie settles herself in to the plush chair next to the mirror.

The dark jeans slide on and hug her hips like a second skin and the best thing is that they don't have an elastic waistband. There's an adjustable waist which sits so low that it is actually below her baby bump. Kate pairs it off with a black spaghetti tank top and a white cotton shirt left unbuttoned.

"What do you think?" she asks Lanie as she comes out of the changing room and does a little pirouette.

"Damn, you look so good that I'd even consider turning gay for you."

Kate laughs; Lanie has such a unique way of expressing herself, "I'll be sure to tell Rick that he's got competition then."

"Hell, I'll tell him that myself," Lanie joins in the laughter as Kate pretends to do a sexy shimmer, letting the cotton shirt slide down her shoulders a bit.

"Well these ones are a definite yes then," Kate says as she heads back into the cubicle to try on the next outfit. It's a deep purple print dress with an empire waist, halter top and a low back that leaves her shoulders and upper back bare. The overall effect is to draw the eye away from her belly and emphasizes her cleavage which has been significantly enhanced by the pregnancy. It's the one change brought on by the pregnancy that Kate doesn't actually mind.

"Hot momma!" Lanie pretends to fan herself when Kate comes out in the purple number. "Are you wearing a wonderbra under that thing or are you just bigger than I remember?"

Kate looks down at her own chest for a second, "Nope, it's just me."

"I bet that Castle's been enjoying the new you then," Lanie teases her.

Kate smiles so that her friend doesn't realize what a sore point it is with her at the moment. Her sex life hasn't exactly been steaming hot last couple of months, it barely makes it to lukewarm but Kate has plans to change that, she's going to seduce her husband and it starts with the clothes that she's going to buy today.

* * *

><p>"Can you get some Asiatic lilies with the groceries as well? Thanks Margaret, we'll be there by Friday night," Rick hangs up his phone, it's a little bit of last minute organizing with Margaret, the woman who looks after the beach house for him. Kate has been so remote lately, they've barely spent any intimate time together so he's planning a little getaway, a chance for her to relax and for them to reconnect.<p>

Something has been off with her for a few weeks now, she could just be feeling tired because of the pregnancy or it could be she's chafing from the enforced desk duties now that she's showing. He's hoping that a few days rest, away from the city and all its stresses, will be the tonic that she needs.

It may take some convincing to get Kate to agree but he's willing to grovel, beg, or bribe her into it. Unfortunately his wife is one of those people who likes to be prepared well in advance, if she was organizing the weekend then it would have been penned into their calendar a couple of months in advance. But he's already checked her roster; she's not working this coming weekend so there's no reason not to get out of the city for a bit.

The sound of laughing as the front door opens announces Kate's return. The women are ladened down with two armloads of bags each which surprises him, Kate's not normally a big one for shopping.

"Here let me give you a hand with that," Rick rushes over to help out. "It looks like you guys bought out the entire store."

"Who knew that there were so many great clothes for pregnant women? I blame it on Lanie, she kept making me try on almost everything."

"That's what best friends are for, plus it was for your own good Kate, and for yours as well Castle," Lanie adds as she looks at him with an arch smile. She's thinking about the lace camisole that Kate tried to hide from her friend in the midst of the bundle of other clothes that she bought, Lanie wasn't fooled for a minute.

Kate blushes at the reminder of that item of clothing which she called a handkerchief, although she's never seen a handkerchief look quite so sexy before. Rick just looks bemused as the women share an inside joke without enlightening him.

"Can I offer you a drink Lanie? Something to wet the throat after a hard day of retail therapy?" he asks once they've deposited all the bags into the bedroom.

Lanie looks down at her watch briefly, "Thanks Castle but I might take a rain-check, I'm meeting Javier at his parents' place for dinner so I've got to get home and change. Bye guys."

"Thanks again for the fashion advice Lanie and say hello to the Espositos for me," Kate says as she sees her friend out.

"Bye Lanie," Rick waves with his free hand, the other one is wrapped around Kate' waist. "So do I get to see all the stuff that you bought?" he asks once they're alone.

She just looks at him as if he's crazy, which is partly true. "It's just maternity clothes, and besides you'll get to see it all eventually. I'm not going to parade them before you like I'm on the catwalk or something." There's one particular item that she doesn't want Rick to see, or at least not before it is time.

His face falls into an exaggerated pout, "that's a shame, I would have enjoyed watching you strut your stuff, a bit of throwback to your modeling days."

Kate's jaw drops, she's never told him about the summer when she was seventeen and did some modeling work. "How did you …? Never mind, the boys told you, didn't they? Seriously you guys are worse than a bunch of teenage girls when it comes to gossiping."

"Yeah it was Ryan and Esposito, they were even kind enough to give me some of your catalogue shots, I was thinking of having them blown up to life-size prints for your fortieth birthday, maybe have them framed and put up in the lounge. What do you reckon?" he asks her with a teasing grin.

"Grrrh, Richard Castle if you even show those to another living person then your son is going to grow up without a father," she threatens him.

"Sounds to me like someone is a little bit sensitive about those shots, although why that is I don't know. Personally I think that you look adorable in the tennis outfit," he's milking this unexpected turn for all it's worth because it might just be the hook that he was looking for.

"Rick!" she growls, trying to intimidate him into giving up, it's never worked before in the years that she's known him but it's still worth a try.

All it does is make Rick laugh, he's fully aware of the difference between when his wife is truly angry and when she's just trying to get her own way.

"I'll tell you what, if you agree to come out to the beach house with me next weekend then I'll never mention those photos again," he promises.

"What's the catch?" she asks warily.

"No catch, just you and me relaxing out in the Hamptons. We'll sleep in late, read some books and eat some good food. What do you think?"

Kate surprises him by giving in readily, " I think it sounds like a great idea, you know that you didn't have to blackmail me into it."

"Well in that case I might hold onto those photos for a little bit longer then."

"Too late, I've already agreed to the deal. Don't make me regret it," she warns him.

"I promise that you won't regret a thing."

**Four and a half years ago**

Rick holds up two ties as he stares at himself in the mirror, trying to decide which one looks better with his pin striped suit and pale blue shirt. He's never been so nervous before a date and this is definitely not a date as he has to keep reminding himself.

Kate had sounded two parts reluctant and one part embarrassed when she'd come to ask him a favor two days ago.

"Castle this is pretty short notice but … I need to ask you a favor … and I'll totally understand if you say no. I won't be offended at all," she assured him.

"Why don't you tell me what the favor is before you decide that I'm going to say no," he'd teased her about her uncharacteristic hesitancy, the only other time he'd seen her at a loss for words was when she'd met Joe Torre.

"I need a date …" she'd said and he'd almost fallen over in surprise, "… that is … will you come to Madison's wedding with me as my plus one? Josh was going to come and I've already RSVPed for two people but now that we've broken up … well, will you come with me instead?"

Rick had jumped in with his yes before she'd had a chance to reconsider her offer, which is why he now finds himself fussing over his tie trying to decide which one Kate would like better. He finds himself doing this kind of thing more and more, just little things to get her attention. Hoping that one day she'll turn around and realize that he's been waiting for her the whole time.

Not that she ever seems to pay any attention at all. He's caught her a few times staring at some other guy's body; she did it with Demming and with that Olympic swimmer but he's never caught her staring at him. As much as he treasures their friendship Rick doesn't want to end up stuck in the 'friend box' forever. For an attractive woman to tell a guy that he was a great friend is the kiss of death, it's like saying that someone has a great personality when you're asked to describe what they look like.

So for today Rick pays extra attention, making sure that his shoes are extra shiny, the clothes are perfect and his hair is styled just so, he's done everything he can to impress her. All this effort to make sure that Kate will really see him, not as a friend and a partner but hopefully something more.

It's not a date, it's not a date, he keeps repeating that to himself like a mantra hoping that it will calm his nerves as he fusses with his cuff links one last time before knocking on her door. But even though it's not a date he still can't help the way that he studies her face when she opens the door. There's not one flicker to suggest that she's even aware of him as a man, he could be Lanie for all the reaction that he gets and his heart sinks.

"Hey Castle, thanks again for doing this," she tells him as he steps into her hallway. "Let me just get my wrap and we can go." Kate turns to grab her stuff from the bedroom

"You're welcome, besides do you know how many times I've been picked up at a wedding before? You're practically doing me a favor," Rick jokes as he tries to smooth over his disappointment.

As good as he is at observing human behavior, what he doesn't realize is that Kate is even better at masking her feelings. He didn't see the way that she bit her bottom lip as she stared out her spy-hole to look at him before she opened the door. With her back to him, Rick can't see the way that she wipes her damp palms nervously against the material of her dress and or the arrested look on her face when he jokes about picking up someone else at the wedding.

By the time that she turn around again there's just a smirk on her face as she says, "I guess that there must be some pretty desperate women out there then." Her tone is teasing and there's no sign of the agitation that she's feeling. The truth is that when it comes to Richard Castle, she is one of those desperate women but she's never going to let him know that.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: I think that this is still suitable for a T rating, even the last few paragraphs but private message me if you think it's not appropriate and I can change it. Also I don't live in NY so all the geographic facts are what I could glean from Google maps, sorry if there are mistakes.  
><strong>

Chapter 11: Babymoon

They've been sitting in traffic to the last four hours and they have only just made it half way there. Maybe that was fate tapping them on the shoulder and telling them to not even bother. Kate's staring out at the line of traffic ahead of them, slowly inching along at a painful crawl.

"Expect long delays on the Sunrise Highway if you're headed out of the city today," the radio announcer warns them, "traffic services are still trying to clear the debris from an overturned truck carrying a load of pumpkins which has closed two of the east-bound lanes."

Rick flicks the radio over to another station which is playing music, he's sick of hearing the same message repeated, knowing the cause for the delay doesn't make it any easier to bear.

"What the hell is a truckload of pumpkins doing driving out of New York? It's not like we grow them in the city. Surely if anything, we must truck them in," his whining is starting to get on her nerves.

"I don't know Rick, maybe the truck was city-bound but the cargo happened to spill over the median barrier into the oncoming traffic?" she can't help the tone of exasperation that colors her voice, as if she knows or even gives a crap about where the pumpkins were headed. All Kate cares about is the fact that they're stuck moving at this snail's pace for at least a few more hours.

She's sick of sitting still. As comfortable as the SUV is, her back is starting to protest staying in the same position for the past four hours and her bladder is letting her know that it's beginning to get unhappy as well, with the baby starting to take up more space everything else has to make do with less. She wishes that they were at the beach house already, failing that she'd settle for being able to get out of the car, stretch her legs and find a convenient restroom.

"Take that off-ramp coming up," Kate points at the sign indicating an exit about a mile ahead.

"But that's not the one that we want. We're still ages from the Hamptons," Rick protests.

"Take the damn exit Rick. I need to go to the bathroom because your son is banging my bladder like it's a bloody drum set." It's always _his_ son when the baby is playing up.

"Sorry Kate," he's instantly apologetic.

It still takes another fifteen minutes to get off the highway and find a public restroom by which time she's bursting to go.

"I'll wait for you in the diner," Rick says to her rapidly disappearing back as he wanders over to the building which shares the same forecourt as the service station. All the shops in this little block are obviously set up to cater for any passing commuters that might venture off the highway.

The diner is a little old-fashioned like you might find in a small rural town, but the coffee smells good and the baked goods on display in the cabinet look calorie-laden and delicious.

"Can I grab a couple of decaf coffees to go, and two of those jelly donuts as well?" he tells the waitress behind the counter.

"Do you want cream with those coffees?" the middle-aged woman asks him.

"One black, one white thanks."

"Are you guys stuck in the traffic-jam out there?" the waitress strikes up a conversation as she prepares his order.

"Yeah, it's taken us four hours already to get here from Manhattan; looks like we might sitting in that jam for another four hours at this rate."

"Where are you guys headed?"

"South Hampton"

"You know that you could go on the back roads along the coast. It's not a direct route but in this heavy traffic you'd probably be better off. I can draw you a map if you like."

"That would be great, I don't mind taking the scenic route as long as it'll be faster and we're not sitting at a standstill," Rick enthusiastically takes her up on the offer.

Kate's less optimistic about it when he shows her the map as they get back into the car. It's not exactly drawn to scale and there's not enough detail for her peace of mind; turn left at the big, red barn might be adequate instructions for a local but it leaves a lot to be desired.

"Hmmm, I'm not too sure about this. What if we get lost?"

"Come on Kate, where's your sense of adventure? If we take the highway we'll be sitting in traffic again. Besides we've got the GPS in the car and Google maps on my phone, I'm sure that we'll be able to figure it out. It'll be nice; we'll take in the scenery and get to see places that we wouldn't normally visit. Trust me."

The lure of not sitting in traffic is the thing that sways her in the end, not Rick's navigation skills, unfortunately her husband can be overconfident about his abilities at times; Kate is the realist out of the two of them.

"Ok, but don't make me regret this Rick," she warns him.

"Have I ever steered you wrong?"

She just gives him a raised eyebrow for that; there are so many times and places that she can list where he's done exactly that.

"Ok, I mean recently, have I steered you wrong recently?"

"No, not recently," she has to agree with that. "All that means though is that you're due to do it again soon," she teases him.

The detour starts of well, just cruising past little towns on backcountry roads. It's sunny and suddenly what had been a chore when they were in the long snaking line of traffic is suddenly a joy again, it's nice to just enjoy the view and the company.

Kate can feel herself unwinding and she thinks it's been too long since they've done this, just enjoyed each other's company without the burdens of everyday life pressing down on them. Her hand snakes out to land on his thigh and she gives it a squeeze, there's nothing sexual in it, well maybe a little, but the gesture is more about letting him know that this is good, good for both of them.

Her unexpected touch makes him glance up quickly from the road to steal a look at his wife. She's smiling at him and everything is right in their world, how long has it been since she last looked like that? His hand drifts down from the steering wheel to grab hers and bring it up so he can plant a kiss on the back of her hand.

His eyes are back on the road again so he can't see the way that Kate blushes at his gesture. The kiss is not particularly suggestive or sexy but she can't help the way her face warms as if she's a teenage girl and this is their first date. It's the little things like this, when Rick is unexpectedly sweet, not cocky and over-the-top, which remind her of why she finally let him all the way in.

The arrogant playboy might be sexy in a bad-boy kind of way but she'd never have risked her heart if that was all that there was to him. It's the sweet, considerate man who looked out for her, who was always there, that's the man that convinced her to give him a chance. Kate can't help but stare at him, this man that she loves.

Sunglasses shade his eyes against the late afternoon sun so that she can't see their gorgeous blue color, his hair is windblown from the open window and there's a faint crease between his brows, a permanent reminder of the hours that he spends frowning when he's immersed in the world that he's created in his mind. There's a few more lines around the corners of his eyes and some grey hairs mixed in with the brown now, but she's much rather have this man than the Richard Castle that she met six years ago.

He looks over to catch her staring at him avidly, a faint smile on her face. An exaggerated smirk comes over his face as he nods knowingly, "You're thinking about how sexy you find me, aren't you?" he teases her.

Kate laughs, she might be in love with the sweet man but she also has a soft spot for the arrogant SOB. "Dream on pal," she taunts him. "I was thinking that you're looking a bit more wrinkly and grey than when we first met. Maybe I need to trade you in for a newer model."

"I always knew that this day would come," Rick says with fake hurt in his voice. "Is it the pool boy or your tennis coach? Just tell me, I can take it." The dramatic way that he says it is a reminder that he's inherited more than just his blue eyes from Martha.

They're both still laughing at his ridiculousness when the something streaks out in front of the car. Suddenly Rick's slamming on the breaks as he swerves to the left to avoid the animal, and then overcorrects to the right to avoid going into the ditch next to the road. The car's ABS system kicks in to prevent him losing complete control but even with that they end up making contact with wooden fence post.

There's a loud sound and then a chemical smell fills the car as the airbags engage, cushioning them from the full impact of the crash. Even at their relatively low speed the force is enough to fling them forward before the tension in the seat belts jerks them back into their seats.

"Kate! Kate, are you ok? Is the baby ok?" Rick panics.

She takes stock and realizes that the only part of her that's sore is her shoulder. She gives it an experimental shrug; everything seems to be moving ok so it's probably just bruising from the seat belt.

"Yeah we're both fine," she assures him, "how about you?"

"I'm ok," Rick pushes away the material of the airbags, coughing a bit from the accelerant that was used to expand them. He gets out of the car and comes around to her side, pulling her out so that he can give his wife a hug, so grateful that it wasn't more serious. "Thank god you're ok."

Adrenaline is pumping, her heart beat is a fast staccato in her ears and it takes a while for them both to calm down. Kate's the one who pulls away first, ever practical she wants to assess the damage. There's no sign of whatever it was that ran out in front of them to cause the accident. Most of the car looks fine except for the front bender which is so bent that it's actually touching the front left wheel, there's no way that it's drivable.

"Oh crap," she says, which accurately sums up his assessment of the situation as well. "You'd better call for a tow truck."

Rick looks up local garages on his phone and it takes three calls before he gets one that will send out a truck to them.

"It's going to take about forty minutes to get someone out to us," he tells her as she sits on a large rock by the side of the road. "They can also give us a lift back to Bellport. What do you want to do? I can try to find a rental car place so that we can still make it out to the beach house but it's pretty late and most of those places would be closed by now. Or we could get a cab out to there or even back home again."

After the hassle of traffic and now the accident, Kate doesn't feel like driving any further tonight but this weekend was meant to be about them reconnecting and she's not about to give up just yet.

"Why don't we just find some accommodation in Bellport for tonight and then get a rental tomorrow morning and drive the rest of the way to the beach house then?" she suggests.

* * *

><p>By the time that the tow driver, Matt, gets them to the village and they sort out the paper work it's past seven pm. Matt kindly gives them a lift from the garage to the nearest motel as well, dropping them off with their luggage at the reception. It's tourist season and they're lucky that there's a room available.<p>

"Sorry the only room that I have left has only got a double bed, normally this is the room that we give to the kids for families who are visiting," the manager apologizes again as he shows them upstairs. Two tall people, one of whom is pregnant; that will make a night spent in a double bed very cozy.

"That's ok, it must be a busy time of year for you guys," Kate says, "we're just happy that we don't have to camp out on the road tonight. By the way is there a restaurant within walking distance? Our car is at the garage."

"The nearest restaurant is a good twenty minutes walk away, but if you're not looking for anything fancy then there's a pizza place that does deliveries and their pizzas are pretty good."

An hour later Rick and Kate are seated at the small dining table, a box with two slices of pizza left sits between them. This is not exactly how she pictured their night ending, when she packed for the weekend.

"Do you feel like watching some television? Or there's a Scrabble game on the bookcase?" Rick suggests some options for the rest of their night.

"No, I think I might take a quick shower and then hit the sack," she grabs some toiletries and a change of clothes before shuffling off to the en suite bathroom.

Rick looks around their motel room, it's a perfectly serviceable room but he wanted to make this weekend special. Instead it's eight-thirty pm on a Friday night, they've just had pizza for dinner and Kate's ready for bed.

* * *

><p>She wipes at the condensation which mists the bathroom mirror so that she see her own image reflected back. The moisture in the air makes the tendrils of hair that have escaped from her loose bun stick to the sides of her face. Faint laugh lines bracket her mouth; they weren't there six years ago when the writer first started following her around. Neither was the long arcing thoracotomy scar, a reminder of the day that she was shot. Currently it's covered by the bath towel that she has wrapped around her, she doesn't like to be reminded of that day, even now after all these years.<p>

Kate contemplates the clothes that lie on the countertop, trying to decide which ones to wear. She reaches for the old t-shirt of Rick's that she uses to sleep in along with the pyjama bottoms. The soft faded cotton slides easily over her head, it's big enough that it fits her easily even at this stage of the pregnancy. Back before they started living together, she used to like to sleep in it because it smelt like him. He left it behind after one of the nights that he spent at her place and somehow she never got around to giving it back to him. Back then they couldn't seem to get enough of each other.

That thought galvanizes her and Kate strips off the clothing that she'd only just put on, reaching for the other item of clothing on the counter instead. The lace camisole is just as revealing as she remembers it being when she bought it. She reaches behind her to undo the clasp holding her hair up, letting the brown locks tumbled down over her shoulders. Her hair is long enough that it covers up some of what the camisole reveals, but instead of making her look more modest it just makes the overall picture more of a tease. Sometimes the sexiest thing is not what's on show but what promises to be just around the corner.

Maybe this is a stupid idea, they're in a modest motel room, she's more than half way through her pregnancy and she's about to go out there trying to look like the Playmate of the year. The nagging voice of doubt makes her hesitate before she opens the bathroom door but Kate refuses to be bowed by cowardice, her hand turns the door handle before she can change her mind.

The room that she walks back into is still the same modest motel room and yet somehow it's different. There's some dim light coming from one of the bedside lamps but the bulk of the illumination is due to the candles that flicker all around the room. Rick is sitting on the bed, a bunch of old-fashioned daisies in his hands; his gaze is arrested by the lingerie that she's wearing.

He has to swallow before he can say anything; his mouth suddenly feels very dry. "You look so beautiful," he tells his wife.

She blushes at the compliment, "Rick, how did you do this?"

"I bribed the manager so that I could raid his disaster supplies for all the candles that he had and he let me get these flowers from the garden beds out front. Sorry they didn't have anything fancy, so no roses. I wanted to make this weekend special for you, I'm sorry that it didn't work out that way."

She takes the daisies from him, inhaling their fresh scent before she stretches up to kiss him softly, "Thank you and you don't have anything to be sorry about, this is special enough."

There aren't a lot of words after that as he lays her gently down onto the bed. His hands are reverential as he peels back the lace to reveal the treasures hidden underneath. Her breasts are bigger and more sensitive because of the hormones floating around in her blood stream. He delights in the way that she shudders as he plays with them.

He has to be gentler and they both have to make concessions in their lovemaking because of the baby but there is no less passion there than the first time they slept together. That spark that she felt had been missing is back with a vengeance and her body feels like a wild fire that is raging out of control. She shatters and cries out his name when he finally enters her.

Afterwards they lay exhausted, limbs still entwined. The motel manager was right; two tall people, one of whom is pregnant, sharing a double bed makes for a very cozy night but neither of them would have it any other way.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Rick has only been gone for three days but in that time he's already called her twenty-two times. When her phone rings again for the twenty-third time Kate's very tempted to not answer. The only reason that she does pick up is because knowing her husband he'll have her father, Lanie and probably the fire department breaking down her door in a mad panic if she ignores it.

"Hi Rick, what's up now?" the mother-to-be stretches back in the tub, surrounded by the buoyancy of the warm water is the only place where her back is comfortable at all these days.

"Hi honey, nothing new. I just wanted to check up on you,"

"Well nothing has changed in the three hours since you last called me. You're worse than a mother duck with only one duckling," she teases him. "I thought that you were meant to be doing promotional work on this book tour, not checking up on me every five minutes. I bet that Gina isn't particularly happy with you at the moment."

"You're right about that, she's giving me the death glare from the other room at the moment. Fortunately I'm immune to it now due to overexposure during my marriage to her. Who knew that there would be some positive benefits from that horrendous time?"

A pregnant woman might be forgiven for feeling a little bit insecure if her husband was spending a lot of time with his ex, fortunately Kate knows that Rick has definitely moved on from whatever romantic feelings he used to have for Gina. That doesn't mean that she can't tease him a bit about it though.

"Are you sure that you're not having romantic dinners for two and that all these calls are just to put me off the scent?"

"Ewwww, I'm pretty sure that Gina's only on liquid diet these days, vampire that she is."

Kate can almost 'hear' his shudder down the phone line.

"I'd better go back now, there's another two interviews to go. I miss you and I'll call again later tonight."

"Just go back and do some work writer monkey, I think I'm getting used to this high maintenance pampering so you'll need to keep that money rolling in," she laughs.

* * *

><p>The first thing that wakes her is the dull ache low down in the pelvis; it feels like a bad menstrual cramp. The brunette rubs her hand over the bulge of her abdomen trying to soothe the discomfort. Surprisingly it feels as tight as a drum, the muscles all contracted at the same time.<p>

She rolls awkwardly onto her side trying to find a comfortable position; the bulk of the baby makes it hard to do anything gracefully these days. It takes a minute for the ache to settle as she lies there in the dark. The baby gives a reassuring kick and so Kate dismisses the feeling. She's had various aches and complaints during the whole pregnancy, maybe this was one of those Braxton-Hicks contractions that she was warned about in the antenatal classes.

Her eyes drift down and sleep reclaims her only for the same thing to happen again. How long it's been since the first one Kate's not sure. She didn't look at the clock initially but she makes a point of checking the time now, the illuminated numbers on the bedside clock tell her that it's 2.28 am.

Like the first time the discomfort last for only about a minute but this time there's no drifting back to sleep. Instead Kate lies there counting the minutes and trying to decide if she's over-reacting or if there's really something to be concerned about. If Rick was here he'd have her bundled up and half-way to the hospital by now but she hates hospitals especially after her shooting. Everything from that time including the food, the smells and her own sense of helplessness has instilled her with a desire to avoid that place if at all possible.

Time ticks by and just when she's almost falling off to sleep again the third contraction hits. This time she's sure that there's something wrong, she can't just ignore this as indigestion, or a stomach ache.

It's 2.47 am, not a great time to be dragging someone out of bed, the cop knows this well having been on the receiving end of many early morning wake up calls but Kate reckons that the doctor must be used to it otherwise she wouldn't have given her mobile number out.

"Dr Cranshaw? It's Kate Beckett here. Sorry to wake you up like this but I think that I'm having contractions. It's probably nothing but I wasn't sure," even now she's downplaying it, almost embarrassed to be calling the doctor for something that might turn out to be nothing.

"It's ok Kate. How many have you had and how far apart are they?"

"I've had three over about forty minutes I think."

"Have you had any discharge or bleeding?"

"No."

"Good. I want you to meet me at the hospital. I don't want you to worry but I need to check you out, just to be on the safe side."

After she hangs up Kate rolls herself out of bed and pulls on a pair of sweats over the t-shirt that she uses as sleepwear. A scruffy ponytail is the most that she can manage with her hair, overall she looks untidy and rough but she's not trying to win any fashion awards at the moment.

As she grabs her keys to go the problem of transportation hits her. She can't drive herself, what if she causes an accident because of a contraction? Damn it, Rick is meant to be here. Kate feels a spurt of irrational anger at her husband for his absence, totally ignoring the fact that she was the one who convinced him to go, who swore up and down that she would be fine.

She debates calling for an ambulance but it seems a bit of overkill, it's not like this is a real emergency right? In the end she calls for a cab which is a decision that she regrets as soon as the cab driver spots her condition.

"Can you take me to the hospital please?" the brunette says as she awkwardly gets into the back seat.

"Lady, you're not about to give birth are you?" the cabbie asks, eyeing up her pregnant form nervously. "I ain't no doctor or paramedic, and it'd make a hell of a mess of my cab. You'd have to pay a big fine if my cab is soiled," he warns her.

The cop has no time to argue with this idiot, maybe she should have called one of her friends or the ambulance instead but she's here now and this goddamn cabbie is going to take her to the hospital whether he likes it or not. She pulls out her badge and flashes it in his face.

"I'm grumpy, so you don't want to piss me off at the moment pal. You can't refuse to take my fare because I'm pregnant so get me to the hospital now or I'll get your cab license revoked," she warns him.

He's still grumbling about it but he takes off quickly after that threat, he's probably trying to minimize the amount of time she spends in his cab. No doubt the cab is breaking a few traffic laws but he gets her there in less than ten minutes so she's not inclined to pull him up on it. Kate shoves some money through the security window, not bothering to wait for the change before she gets out.

Dr Cranshaw is already there and greets her on the maternity ward, "Have you had anymore contractions?"

"No," but even as she says it another one hits and makes a liar of her, the discomfort stealing her breath for a moment.

Once it's passed, the doctor and another older woman in pink scrubs (one of the nurses?) assist the brunette up onto the hospital bed for the examination. By now worry has set in, leaving no place for the slight embarrassment that she normally would be feeling at this intimate examination.

"Is everything ok?" Kate asks anxiously when the doctor doesn't say anything but instead seems to be pressing in the same areas again, as if rechecking her findings.

"Your cervix is slightly dilated, you might be going into preterm labor," there's no panic but Dr Cranshaw looks very grave and it's starting to freak the brunette out. Even as doctor is saying this she's already got a tourniquet wrapped tightly around her patient's arm in preparation for drawing blood and placing an intravenous line. On Kate's other side the nurse is hooking her up to all sorts of monitors.

"I'm only thirty-two weeks along, that's not good for the baby is it?"

The doctor doesn't answer her question directly but instead she says, "I'm going to give you some medication to try to prevent it, and also something to help the baby's lungs mature just in case you do end up delivering soon. If the baby is born today, at least you're in the right place for the best medical care."

Oh god, oh god, this is a nightmare. Kate might be a veteran cop with fourteen years of service behind her but at this moment she's just a pregnant woman scared about her child. What she needs is her husband to be here. Not that he can do anything to prevent whatever is coming but she just needs him. It took her a long time to accept that but now she no questions the fact that in her weakest moments she wants Richard Castle beside her.

"Rick, I need to call Rick. Is it ok to do that in here?" she asks looking around at all the electronic medical equipment.

"Yes, it's fine," the nurse assures her. "Where's your phone honey?"

"It's in my bag over there," Kate points out her gear and then gratefully takes the black canvas overnighter from the nurse. Her hand is shaking slightly as she calls him, "Rick, I'm at the hospital. Can you get back here as quickly as possible?"

* * *

><p>The private plane is cruising at thirty-five thousand feet, the jet engines eating up the miles between him and Kate at a rate of five hundred miles per hour and it's still not fast enough. The writer can't help but blame himself. He should have ignored his wife and Gina; he shouldn't have been half a continent away on a stupid book tour while something is happening to his wife and child.<p>

"Can I get anything to eat or drink Mr. Castle?" the stewardess asks him politely.

"No, thank you," he hasn't bothered at all with the free bar or restaurant-quality food that all comes as part of the package with this private charter. His stomach is a mess and everything would probably taste like cardboard at this moment.

It's been three hours since Kate called him; he'd only just fallen asleep a short while ago so he was half out of it. It took a minute for his brain to process what she was saying and then panic had seized him.

There have been only a few other occasions in his life when he's been this scared before and the time that he was facing a serial killer on the wrong end of a gun wasn't one of them. One of those times was when he lost Alexis for about twenty minutes in a shopping mall when she was little and the other time was when Kate was bleeding out in his arms.

He's not a religious man, the only times that he's seen the inside of a church are for occasions like weddings and funerals. But he does believe in a higher power, call it God, or Allah, or Buddha, or whatever you like.

Ok God, he thinks, we might not be on a regular speaking basis but please, please let them be ok. He wouldn't think of this as praying, more like wheedling or bargaining with the great genie in the sky. I'll give you anything as long as Kate and the baby are ok.

**Five years ago**

Visiting hours are over so he's finally headed home. Of course two week ago mere things like hospital regulations hadn't kept the writer from her side. He'd stayed to watch her, to will her to get better; mesmerized by the way the ventilator artificially expanded her lungs as if it would stop if he took his eyes off her frail body for a moment.

But it's twelve days later and the detective is well enough to kick him out every evening, sending him home so that he would get some decent sleep. She's doing it for his own good although the reason that she gives him is that it's creepy knowing that he's watching her as she sleeps. They both know it's only an excuse.

Every day she seems a little bit stronger, still far from normal but he's content in the knowledge that eventually she'll get there. Kate is far from content though, she's always trying to push it, doing far more than her physiotherapist asks of her. Rick, on the other hand, is always telling her to take it easy, always trying to help out by getting things for her before she can even ask.

She pretends to be annoyed with his fussing but he's caught her smiling a few times when she didn't think he was looking. She wouldn't be his Kate if she wasn't a bit prickly at times. He must be a bit of masochist because he enjoys that way that she slaps at him, with a snide comment about his CIA theories or a pinch of his ear.

But even though she's better, the wordsmith still hasn't talked to her about the three most important words that he's said to her. Did she even hear them before she blacked out? Does she even remember? There's plenty of time for them to have that conversation once she's out of hospital. He's not sure if he's looking forward to it or just scared out of his brains.

Josh is still in the frame but the writer has learnt his lesson. If Kate had died back there in the cemetery then he would have had to live with the regret of never taking his chance. So boyfriend or no boyfriend, he's going to jump head first and he'll just have to hope that she'll dive in with him. Even if she turns him down at least he'll know that he's given it all he could.

Rick's in his office staring at the placard for the latest Nikki Heat novel when his cell phone rings. The number is an unfamiliar one and there's mild curiosity in his voice as he answers it, "Hello?"

"Mr. Castle?"

"Yes, it's Richard Castle."

"I'm Dr Ahern calling from New York Presbyterian hospital. You're listed as the emergency contact for Detective Beckett. There's been a complication; we're taking her back to the operating theatre, it might be serious."

"Do whatever you have to save her please. I'm on my way now," he says as he runs out the door. The writer is cursing himself, why did he leave her alone tonight? If he'd been there he might have been able to raise the alarm earlier and then she'd be ok. He's not a doctor or a nurse but he knows Kate, if he'd just been there then he would have known that something was wrong. Please god please let her be ok.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13: Taking care of Kate

A jolt goes through the jet as the wheels make contact with the black tarmac of the runway at Teterboro airport. Two minutes later it's come to a complete stop and Rick's dialing his wife's number as he waits impatiently to disembark the plane.

"Kate, what's happened?"

Instead of his wife though it's another familiar voice that answers his call.

"Hey Castle, Kate's resting at the moment. She's just tired from the early morning scare," Lanie assures him.

"And the baby?"

"He's fine as well, the contractions seem to have stopped for now but Dr Cranshaw is going to keep her in for observations."

"Oh thank god. My plane has just landed, if Kate wakes up tell her that I'm not too far away and I'll be there shortly."

The immediate fear has passed but he won't be able to really relax until he sees her for himself. There is a car service awaiting him at the terminal, it's a seamless transition in the chain ferrying the writer to his wife's side.

Kate is awake and talking to Lanie when he gets to the hospital, she seems a bit pale and washed out from the entire ordeal but she's otherwise well.

"Please don't ever scare me like that again," he says as he buries his face against Kate's neck in a tight hug, the familiar smell of her soothing the restless terror that had been churning through his stomach.

"I'm sorry," she says miserably.

"Hey, you don't need to apologize. It wasn't meant to be an accusation because you have nothing to be sorry about," he says as he pulls back to look at her.

"Lanie do you think you could give us a minute here?" Kate says to her best friend.

"Sure, actually I should probably go anyway but I'll catch up with you later. If there's anything you guys want me to do then just let me know," the medical examiner gives her friend a reassuring squeeze of the hand before she leaves the couple alone.

"What's going on Kate?" concern colors his face at her continuing reticence.

"I think that this might be my fault," guilt sits like a miserable burden in her gut. "Yesterday I was upstairs in the nursery unpacking that change table that the guys got for us …"

"Why were you doing that? I told you that I'd do it once I got back," he butts in.

"I'm not an invalid, I can still do things by myself," she tells him with a flash of irritation forgetting for a moment the consequences from that decision. "Besides that's not the point. My phone started to ring downstairs so I ran to get it and I tripped on the corner of the box and landed on my side. It didn't really hurt so I thought I was ok and I didn't tell anyone about it then but what if that's the reason why this is happening now? I should have been more careful, it was just such a stupid thing to do."

She can't help the way that she's mentally beating herself up for that moment of inattention. It's a game of 'what if'. What if she'd left that box for Rick to unpack? What if her phone hadn't rung? What if she'd been paying attention and avoided the box? What if she'd seen her doctor about it earlier? Could all of this have been avoided if only she'd changed one step in the chain of events?

She looks absolutely miserable, her eyes aren't even focused on him, instead she's reliving that moment again in her mind. The lump sitting in her throat is called despair, it chokes her as she contemplates the possible consequences of her actions. Rick gives her a little shake to pull her out of her introspection.

"Kate we don't know that the accident has anything to do with what's happening now and you can't beat yourself up over it. You could equally blame me for not unpacking that thing before, and it was probably my call that you were running to get, I shouldn't have called so often. It was simply bad luck, it's not like you deliberately fell. We just need to see what happens from here," Rick pulls himself up onto the bed so that he sitting next to her, Kate's head tucked into his neck as his arm wraps around her shoulders. He wishes that he could bundle her up in cotton wool or do whatever it takes to make his family safe.

He's a gift that she probably doesn't deserve, she thinks as she lets his words comfort her. Rick's told her often enough exactly how strong and courageous he thinks she is. Sure when it comes to work or putting herself in physical danger then she's confident and doesn't hesitate. It's the personal stuff like this that she's shaky on. He doesn't suspect that she's riddled with self doubts and that the only reason why she's managed to cling on to the raft of her sanity is because of him. He's the anchor that grounds her, the thing that has pulled her back from the edge time and time again.

* * *

><p>The thought of what almost happened is enough to scare her into accepting the doctor's edict concerning strict bed rest. It's boring and frustrating but if that's what's best for the baby then she'll do exactly as she's told.<p>

Rick hovers over her every second of the day, normally she'd have gotten irritable with all of his fussing but this time she doesn't protests. She understands that he needs to do this, he carries his own guilt for being on the other side of the country when all of this happened. His mollycoddling is his way of trying to make it up to her, it's illogical and unnecessary but she puts up with it to make him feel better. Her marriage has taught her how to compromise between her need for independence and his need to look after her.

He hasn't been home in the last forty-eight hours, instead he spends the nights in her hospital room sleeping cramped up on a La-Z-Boy chair. She's tried to talk him into going home and getting some sleep in a proper bed but he won't hear of it. Kate can normally get her way but every now and then her husband gets a stubborn look in his eye and he's unshiftable. Rick Castle may seem easy going but he can be obstinate in his own way, that's how he managed to chase her down in the end despite all the barriers she kept throwing in his way.

Dark stubble shadows his jaw and his hair is tousled from sleep, it makes him look harder than he normally does. And yes incredibly sexy as well, she might tease him about his metrosexual tastes but her husband can definitely rock the bad boy look as well.

Kate's the morning person so she routinely wakes up before him and these moments that she has before he rouses are some of her favorite. The writer is forever watching her, observing the little nuances that are the only clues to what she's really feeling, that's how he's gotten so good at reading her. This is her only time to return the favor.

There's tightness around his eyes, even in his sleep, that speak of the worries that he's careful to try to hide from her. His slumber is restless, twitches and turns reflecting the dreams that disturb him. She turns onto her side facing him, her hand stretching out to his to lend him what comfort she can.

'Let's not worry you father anymore, ok bub?' she tells her son silently. 'He needs to get some real sleep and there'll be plenty of opportunities to keep him up at night once you're born. There's no need to rush it now.'

The relative quiet is broken by the door opening as Dr Cranshaw comes in for morning rounds. The sound is enough to jerk Rick into awareness as he gives a little grunting noise at being woken.

"Sorry, I didn't realize you were still asleep," the woman apologizes.

"It's fine doc, I was up," Kate assures her, "it was just sleeping beauty over there who was still snoozing."

"How are you feeling Kate, any more pains?" the doctor enquires.

"No, none since that first day really."

"Good," Dr Cranshaw adds a notation to Kate's chart. "I think that we might be able to let you get home today, but I still want you to take it easy. Nothing too strenuous and definitely no work."

"Are you sure that it's safe?" Rick doesn't want to tell the doctor how to do her job but he'd feel a lot better if Kate was to stay in hospital for the remainder of the pregnancy.

"There aren't any guarantees unfortunately, but there haven't been any more contractions for the last two days and we aren't doing anything for you in here that you can't manage at home. Besides most patients feel a lot more comfortable at home."

"We're only ten minutes away from the hospital by car and I'd rather be at home, plus you can't spend another night trying to sleep in that chair," Kate puts in her two cents worth.

"Ok," Rick concedes.

"You have my number if you need to get hold of me and I want to see you in my office for a check up in two days. I'll just go and get your discharge paperwork ready," Dr Cranshaw says before she leaves them alone again.

"Maybe we should look into getting a private nurse for you," Rick suggests. "I'd feel better if there was someone immediately on hand who had some medical training."

"No!" Kate's appalled by the suggestion, it's one thing to have her husband hovering around the whole time, having a stranger intruding on her space would be beyond her tolerance. "They'd just end up watching me sleep and eat and read, it's creepy enough when you do it, I don't a stranger watching me as well. Please can we just go home?"

It's dirty play but Kate really can't stand the thought of having a private nurse for the next two months so she pulls out all the tricks; the bambi eyes, the touch on the back of his hand, letting her voice break on the last word. She hardly ever asks anything of him so he finds it hard to deny her on those rare occasions when she does, especially when she's really pleading like she is now.

"Ok," he sighs, "but you have to let me do everything and no pretending to be fine when you're not."

"I promise," she rewards him with a kiss on the cheek, "just get me home and then I'll let you take care of me."

**Four years ago**

"I think that you're trying to do too much," Rick frets as she insists on doing another lap from her room to the nurses' station and back, "maybe you should take it a break now."

"No, just this last one and then I'll get back in the bed," the detective insists even as her muscles protest against the burning pain. The tissues are still healing, edges of her wound aren't even sealed yet and the underlying muscle fibers are still in disarray from the initial trauma of the bullet and then the subsequent surgery which saved her life.

When it gets too much to bear she stops for a moment, leaning on the IV pole that goes everywhere she does at the moment. The pole sits on a tripod base of roller wheels and is festooned with medical equipment like some sort of bizarre May pole; the intravenous fluids that deliver her antibiotics, her patient-controlled analgesia pump, and the underwater sealed chest drain with the fluid in it's chamber that swings with every breath that she takes. Each item is connected to her by a length of tubing like some kind of parasitic organism.

"Beckett it's only been six days since you …" he can't bring himself to say 'since you were shot'. "Since your operation, it's going to take time to recover, you need to give yourself a break."

A month ago she ran a half marathon in an hour and thirty-two minutes and now she's out of breath from walking less than a hundred yards. The cop hates this feeling of helplessness, of having to rely on others for the simplest things.

She shakes her head, "Do you think that the man who had me shot is saying the same thing? Hmm, maybe I should give Beckett a break, after all she's just had surgery? No, I need to be fit again so I can look after myself and then I'm going after that son of a bitch."

"I know you will," he doesn't even try to talk her out of it despite the fact that the thought of the danger she is going to put herself in scares him spitless. "But just let me help you, you don't have to do this alone."

He's not just talking about the quest to find justice for Johanna Beckett and Roy Montgomery, he's offering forever and the cop knows it, she has ever since he said those words to her as she lay bleeding in his arms. They haven't talked about how he declared his love, it's one of those things that they don't speak of because that's just who they are.

She's not brave enough to say it back to him, at least not yet. But it's not always about the words between these two. It seems strange for a man who makes his living from weaving stories but sometimes they communicate more clearly in what they do compared to what they say.

Kate doesn't look at him but her arm snakes around his waist so that she can lean on him, can let him take some of her weight. That's her signal, without words she's taken him up on his offer.

"Help me back to my room Castle?"

"Always."


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14: Helpful hints for a happy life

Kate had almost called the whole thing off because of the recent scare. But everyone had put so much planning into it that she didn't have the heart to ruin the occasion. Alexis had even flown back to New York specifically for this.

In deference to Kate's ongoing orders for bed rest the baby shower is a quiet affair. Or at least that's what Lanie promised her when the detective agreed to have one. She should have known her best friend better than that; when has the good doctor managed to do any event quietly?

Rick, the traitor, is in league with Lanie of course. The combination of those two minds scheming results in what can only be called a party, albeit a sit down one for the guest of honor. After all there are fifteen women here; laughing, talking and enjoying the refreshments being served by the couple of good looking young men.

"It's your responsibility to see that Kate doesn't move from that chair at all," Rick warns Lanie. "She's stubborn but I find that I can usually guilt trip her into it by saying that it's best for the baby."

"That's good to know, and don't worry she won't move an inch. The party is coming to her," Lanie assures him.

"I am right here you know, I can hear you," Kate waves her hands above her head in protest at them blatantly ignoring her.

"You get so cute when you're grumpy," Rick teases her.

The cop just huffs at the comment. She doesn't mind beautiful, focused, smart or extraordinary but she absolutely hates it when he calls her cute. Puppies are cute, kittens are cute. Kate Beckett is a fourteen year veteran of the NYPD, she is definitely not cute. The disgruntled face that she's wearing now makes her look even more adorable but Rick knows better than to comment on it. The little twitch of his lips is the closest he'll allow himself to a smile. There's a fine line when it comes to dealing with his wife and he's a master tight-rope walker after all of these years.

"Ok that's enough of the lovey dovey stuff. You're out of here Castle, this is a girls only party," Lanie points to the door; she doesn't hesitate to kick him out of his own home.

"The boys and I are going to be at the bar catching the game on TV, you have my number if there are any issues. I'll be back at eight, hopefully you ladies will be done by then. If not then I'm hoping that I'll catch you in the middle of a pyjama party," the writer says with a suggestive wriggle of his eyebrows.

Alexis catches the end of the conversation and quickly plugs her ears. "Eww Dad, that was such inappropriate thing to say with your daughter here."

"Begone with you," Martha says as Rick hotfoots it out the door. " He never did learn the most important thing about being an entertainer," she informs the other women. "You have to leave them wanting more. Speaking of which, I could do with another glass of champagne. Young man, bring that bottle over here," Martha calls out to one of the servers.

Kate sips on her own flute of sparkling grape juice, surveying the intimate gathering of women. Cops, lawyers, business women, a medical examiner, a stay-at-home mom, an actress and one college student; there's no unifying theme amongst all of them except for the bonds of friendship.

It's funny to think that a few years ago Lanie was really her only female friend. The girlfriends that she'd known in college had fallen by the wayside, unable to adapt to the new, prickly, driven Kate who had survived the devastation of her mother's death.

Back in her early days in the academy and then on the job she'd only had one goal in mind. Every spare moment was spent chasing down her mother's killer which didn't really leave much time for forging new friendships. But somehow she's gotten past that and arrived at the point where she can truly say that she's surrounded by genuine friends.

"Ok ladies," Lanie's voice booms out, calling for order amongst the motley crew. "As you all know, we're here to toast our friend Kate as she embarks on a new career. She's about to add the title of mother to her already full CV. Who would have thought that this day would ever come?"

"I did," Madison shouts out. "Becks I told you that you wanted to make little Castle babies."

Kate blushes at the reminder of that interrogation room scene. It was back when she was still dating Demming and Castle was dating every other woman in New York. Neither of them was willing to admit to the chemistry that sizzled between them. It was at that moment that Madison had decided to blurt out the accusation in the middle of the precinct. Kate remembers going as red as a fire engine at the knowledge that Rick was in other room and would have heard every embarrassing word.

"Yeah thanks for that," the brunette says sarcastically to the blonde. "I still haven't forgiven you for that."

The rest of the room laughs at that little interplay, they've all heard the story before, especially since Rick incorporated it into his speech at the wedding.

"Before we get to the presents I thought we could test how ready Kate is for her new responsibilities by doing a little quiz. If any of you ladies have any good answers to these questions then please feel free to share." Lanie pauses to look down at her prepared list of questions.

"Kate, it's three in the morning and the baby starts crying; what do you do?"

"Umm, get up and fed him?"

"Incorrect," Lanie says. "The correct answer is roll over and wait for at least five seconds to see if Castle will crack first and get up to see to the baby."

The other women laugh and someone shouts out, "Newbie, classic rookie mistake."

"Next question, if you're going out for an hour at the park with the family how many spare diapers would you need to bring along?"

"Three?" Kate hazards a cautious guess.

"Bzzzzz, incorrect again. You don't need to know that because Castle should be the one changing all the diapers."

"What is the first moral lesson that you need to teach your son?"

"How to share?"

"Come on girl, you can do better than that," Lanie shakes her head in feigned exasperation. "The first lesson that your son needs to learn is that mommy is always right and daddy is always wrong."

"Don't worry, the kid will learn that very quickly, it's so obvious," Martha doesn't even bother to stand up for her son.

Kate laughs, there definitely seems to be a theme to all of the answers. Poor Rick didn't know exactly what kind of parenting advice she was going to get when he helped organize this little event.

* * *

><p>It's meant to be testosterone central; the guys getting together to watch the ball game and enjoy a few beers while the womenfolk are bonding over all things maternal. While there are bottles of that refreshing amber liquid on the table, the game on the big screen is only being watched with half-hearted interest.<p>

"What do you think they do at these baby showers?" Rick asks the other two men. "I mean, other than the gift giving. That would take all of ten minutes, but this thing is scheduled for three hours."

"They'll be doing what women always do when they get together, gossip and talk about guys," Esposito gives his opinion.

"Do you really think that they talk about us at these kinds of things?" Rick asks with a bit of trepidation.

Esposito and Ryan exchange an amused look. Both of the detectives have sisters so the phenomenon of a female collective is not foreign territory to either of them.

"Bro not only are they talking about us, and more specifically you, but they're probably laughing their asses off as well. Knowing Lanie, she's leading the charge," the burly cop says with fond exasperation.

"Laughing?" Rick's a little alarmed about the suggestion that he's the punch-line to the joke. "Why would they be laughing about me? I haven't done anything."

"Castle I have three older sisters, believe me when I say that a guy doesn't need to do anything for women to laugh at him. It's the way of the world. And it only gets worse once they become mothers. It's like they acquire this new superhero power, this superiority complex which lets them look down on us mere males. Jenny's always laughing at me and the worse part is when she gets the kids to join in as well." The blue eyed cop shakes his head ruefully at the lack of respect that he's accorded by his offspring and spouse.

"Wow," the writer is a bit stunned by the insight. He never had to deal with this the first time around with Alexis, mainly because Meredith was hardly ever there. "Surely Kate wouldn't …" He doesn't even finish the sentence because of course his wife is part of the female conspiracy. After all she's been messing with his head and laughing at him since the first day that they met.

**Two and a half years ago**

Kate is in the kitchen, ostensibly her purpose was to get another bottle of wine but the reality is that she just needed a moment by herself. The other room is filled with her female friends, here to celebrate her upcoming nuptials. Predictably they had gotten around to teasing her about the prospective groom.

The detective had expected a certain amount of ribbing about the situation that she found herself in. How many times had she denied any chemistry existing between the writer and herself? In fact on several occasions she can definitely remember using the word never to quash any rumors about a dalliance between the two of them.

Other people might say that she'd been stubborn in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary; Kate preferred to think of it as being cautious. That cautious nature is why she's now hiding out in the kitchen instead of enjoying her last evening as a single woman with her friends.

There had been no malicious intent behind the comment from Kalwolski but it had been enough to plunge Kate into a moment of doubt.

"_Are you going to change your last name to Castle?" the other detective had asked._

"_No, I'm going to stick with Beckett. It's easier for work and also a bit more anonymous."_

"_That's probably a good idea. Besides I heard that his first wife still calls herself Mrs. Castle and you don't want people to confuse you with her."_

That was when it had struck her, the enormity of what she was about to do. Even though she was the one who proposed, the idea of marriage suddenly didn't look so wise. Rick has two divorces behind him while she's always said that she was a 'one and done' type of girl. Obviously his views on the permanence of marriage don't quite mesh with hers.

It's not because she doubts his love for her, he's proven it enough times. But the little voice in her head points out that he must have been in love with Meredith and Gina at one time if he married them. Just because you love someone now doesn't mean that you can't fall out of love with them later. Maybe it would be better to stay as they are, put the wedding on hold for while until she could be absolutely sure.

"Hey girl, why is it taking you so long to grab another drink?" Lanie joins her at the countertop.

"I just needed a moment," the cop doesn't want to confess her fears to the doctor.

Lanie studies her best friend for a minute, there's more going on than just taking a bit of respite from the party going on next door. "Hmmm, I know that look and it doesn't bode well. You're over-thinking something, spit it out," she plays the best friend card. Years of friendship allow her some privileges when it comes to delving into Kate's mind.

"Maybe this is too soon, we've only been together for a year and living together for six months. Am I mad to be getting married to Richard Castle? He doesn't exactly have a great track record when it comes to marriage. What if this is the honeymoon phase of the relationship and a year from now we find out that we don't really work? I'd hate to be his third ex-wife." The words come spilling out once she gets started.

"Hon I may have to smack some sense into you," Lanie shakes her head dolefully. "Ok, I want you to name three things that you don't like about Castle."

"He's impulsive, he won't stay in the car when it's not safe and even when I'm a bitch to him he's doesn't push back which just makes me feel even more guilty." Kate is quick to list her fiancé's bad points. "Lanie, I thought that you were meant to be talking me out of my doubts. This isn't helping so far."

The M.E. holds up her hand for silence, she'll make her point in her own time. "The reason for getting you to do that is to prove that you're not in the honeymoon phase. You've known each other for years now, it's not like you're blind to each other's faults. And this wedding isn't too fast; you've been a relationship for a lot longer than a year, it just took you a long time to make it official. In fact I would describe the timeline as glacial, creeping forward only an inch every year. Besides, the length of time that you're together beforehand is no guarantee that a marriage is going to work. There's always going to be some risk. The question that you have to ask yourself is is it worth taking that risk with him."

The answer to that has to be yes. Rick, for all his faults, makes her happy and that was something that she didn't allow herself to be for a long time.

"Thanks Lanie, you always know how to get me to pull my head out of my ass."

The doctor shrugs, "What are best friends for? Now get your butt back to the party because it's almost time for the stripper. Believe me, you don't want to miss him shaking his fine ass; I picked him out myself."

**A/N: I took some privileges with Ryan and Esposito's background, not sure if the show ever says if they have siblings.**


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15: Changes

**Six years ago **

Beckett took one last look in the mirror before she leaves her apartment. She would never admit to herself or anyone else that she had taken extra care with her appearance today. Her short choppy hair sits her ears, tamed by hair spray and twenty minutes with a hair dryer.

The way that she looks has nothing to do with the fact that the writer is going to be at the precinct today. Despite her protests he has somehow managed to coerce her into accepting his not-so-silent presence in her cases; it pays to have friends in high places.

She thought that she'd seen the last of him after the Tisdale case but then Montgomery had delivered some bad news. _Rick Castle had been impressed with her; he wanted to follow her as research for his latest set of novels based on a tough but sexy New York detective._

The man was going to make her the laughing stock in the force but the humiliation didn't stop her from putting on a touch more make-up or the extra high heels that make her legs seem to go on for miles. Of course none of this was for his benefit. He was a change and she didn't like change. As soon as she could she would discourage him from following her around like some kind of demented puppy and then things could get back to normal.

**Present day**

She doesn't cope well with changes. It takes so long for her to get comfortable with things the way that they are and then something comes along and upsets the whole apple cart. Her first day at kindergarten she'd apparently refused to let go of her father's hand, insisting that he stay for the whole day. Her first day at the Academy she'd gotten so worked up that she'd vomited her breakfast back up.

The night before her scheduled hospital admission is no different. Rick lies motionless next to her, his slumber undisturbed by her restless dreams. She's running along a wooded track, the path looks vaguely familiar although she's sure that the purple flowered trees that line the way would never exist in the real world. However here in her dream they seem just right. Whether Kate is running towards something or away from something she's not sure.

Her footfalls are regular, matching the chant of the voice that seems to follow her. "Are you ready?" it asks her, doggedly following her as she weaves through the obstacle course of fallen branches and half hidden tree roots. The cop has no answer to that question; her whole focus is on maintaining the steady pace of her running. The forest seems endless until suddenly it simply stops. She teeters on the edge of bank; her forward momentum threatens to send her toppling into the drop ahead.

She wakes to find herself clutching at the bed sheets and the solid body by her side as if they would stop her fall. There's a rolling nausea in her stomach at the still real sensation of tumbling into the abyss, the dream is as vivid as the bitter taste of fear on her lips.

"Kate, are you ok?" his voice is low and hazy from sleep. The writer may be able to sleep through a lot of things but not his wife's death grip on his arm. "Hey what's wrong?" he coaxes when she doesn't immediately answer.

"Just a bad dream," she says as she presses back further into the familiar warmth of him.

The promise of dawn is only a hazy red color on the horizon; the light of it doesn't manage to penetrate the dark cocoon of their bedroom. Despite the lack of illumination Rick can tell that his wife won't be falling back to sleep any time soon, he can read it in the tension that seems to radiate from her.

"Are you worried about today?" he murmurs as he rests his hand on the mound of her belly. "It's ok if you are but Dr Cranshaw was very confident that everything will be fine."

The good doctor has advised them to have a caesarian because the baby is breech and Kate's slim frame makes it too risky to try and turn him. Although the brunette isn't happy about going under the knife again, the operation isn't really what is worrying her at the moment.

"No, I'm not worried about the operation, it's just nerves. I'm going to be parent and that's a bit scary."

"I know what you mean," he assures his wife, "I'm a bit nervous about this myself."

"Why would you be nervous? This is the second time around for you," she scoffs at his declaration. "Plus you did a great job with Alexis so this will be a breeze for you."

"Are you kidding? I might have more experience at this than you but each child is unique. Of course I'm nervous but it's a good kind of nervous; how about you?"

"Is that meant to be reassuring?" Kate asks. "I was hoping that at least one of us would know what they were doing and it was meant to be you. This is probably the one and only time in our relationship that it's going to be you." Despite the teasing in her words, she does feel better knowing that Rick is feeling the same things.

"Good to see that your nerves don't hinder your ability to mock me," Rick says as he breathes in the scent of her hair. The gentle taunting doesn't bother him, this is just their routine. If Kate is feeling good enough to do that then it can't be all bad.

"What can I say? I've always been good at multi-tasking."

"Does this multi-tasking include the ability to go back to sleep for now or shall I get up and make us some breakfast?"

"I don't know if I can go back to sleep again but maybe we could just snuggle for now?"

It surprises him because it's totally unlike his wife to want to snuggle in bed; the only time that he can sneak in some cuddling is after sex. At other times Kate will only tolerate it for short periods; she claims that he puts out too much heat and she can't get comfortable with him wrapped around her.

"Well I wouldn't normally," he pretends to put up some resistance, "but seeing as you are pregnant I think I can put up with it this one time." Rick sighs happily as they lay there waiting for the oncoming day to dawn.

This trip to the hospital is nothing like her last experience. Rick has a carry bag slung over one shoulder as he helps her into the car. If it had been up to her then they'd be taking only half the stuff that he's packed but he keeps insisting that she's going to need it all.

She doesn't really need _two_ robes, the video recorder (that's really for him) or the iPod loaded with music to help her relax; especially the last item given Rick's dubious taste in music. He had wanted to put on Salt n Pepa's eighties anthem, 'Push It', on there. No doubt it appealed to his puckish sense of humor but she'd pointed out that she was having a caesarian section and therefore there would be no pushing at all. He'd pouted a bit at that but then he'd managed to find a clip for 'Born to be Wild' and put that on instead.

New York traffic is surprisingly light for a change and they make it to the hospital in good time. Rick wanted to get a wheelchair for her but she insists that she can make it from the car park to the admissions desk under her own steam, although she relents enough to take his arm.

"Hello, I assume you guys are headed to the Maternity ward?" asks the clerk behind the desk as she takes in Kate's heavily pregnant form.

"We are indeed. My wife is booked in for her operation today, the name is Kate Beckett," Rick says with a huge grin on his face, happy to acknowledge his role as baby daddy. The man is obviously pleased with himself and normally that would be Kate's cue to take him down a peg or two but she suspects that it would take a disaster to dampen his high and she wouldn't wish for that.

"Ok, can I get you to fill in this paperwork for me? One of the orderlies will be around shortly with a wheelchair to show you to your room," the woman says as she hands over a clipboard with the form attached.

Rick manages to confine himself to a brief smirk at the comment about the wheelchair, that's as close as he dare gets to saying "I told you so."

Despite his silence Kate can still hear the words as clear as day. "The fact that I am going to let them wheel me there doesn't mean that you are right. They only do it because they're worried about the hospital getting sued," she tells him. "I am perfectly capable of walking a few hundred yards."

"Of course you can. I wouldn't even dream of arguing with you," he says with an overly innocent expression, pretending to be intent on the sheet of paper in front of him.

He's not fooling anyone though; his wife can easily read the laughter that threatens behind that carefully placid mask that he's donned. Her snort of disbelief lets him know what she thinks of that statement but she refrains from saying anything more. One last flick of the pen and he hands the form back to the clerk as the promised wheelchair turns up.

"This way my lady; your stead awaits," the writer says with theatrical flair as he gestures at the wheeled contraption.

They both get changed inside her room. Rick has a set of teal scrubs so that he can accompany her into the OR while Kate puts on one of those delightful hospital gowns that leaves your backside exposed.

"Will you do me up?" she asks as she turns her back to him so that he can get to the ties. "I hate these things," Kate grouches, "they leave you with no modesty. They should just hang a sign at the entrance of the hospital saying 'leave all sense of shame behind.' I hate feeling like everyone behind me is getting a free peep show."

"Well I don't know about everyone else but I am certainly enjoying the view," Rick says as he gives her butt a little slap. "I think it makes you look sexy. Do you think we could take one of these gowns home as a little souvenir?"

"I'm as big as a whale and wearing a tent with the flaps flying in the breeze. How on earth can you find that sexy?" she asks him.

The writer walks around so that he's standing in front of her now and cups her face in his hands so that she's forced to look at him. "Kate I always find you sexy. You're not a whale, you're just pregnant. Maybe it's machismo but I can honestly say that I love looking at you when you're heavy with our child. You make one hot baby momma."

There is a very flattering sincerity in his face and she ducks her head to hide her pleasure at the compliment; she's never been all that comfortable accepting praise. Pink tinges her cheeks as she gives him a soft kiss on the mouth.

"Thank you."

She draws back slightly as a discreet knock on the door heralds the arrival of Dr Cranshaw. The obstetrician is wearing blue scrubs while an operating cap of green material festooned with yellow rubber ducks covers her hair.

"I just wanted to check in with you both before we go to theatre. Any last questions at all before we get the ball rolling?" the doctor asks.

The couple exchanges a look, years of intimacy allow them to communicate without a word being said. Kate can finally answer the question from her dream; she is ready now, they both are.

"No questions, let's do this," the brunette tells the doctor.

A screen of material partitions her body from her abdomen down so that they won't be able to see the actually operation itself. Although she works with dead bodies every day it would be too much to watch as someone takes a knife to her skin.

"Does this feel cold?" the anesthetist asks as he sprays her with the can to test the level of her spinal block.

"I can't feel anything," Kate assures him.

"Then we are good to go," he gives Dr Cranshaw a nod to signal that she can start.

Rick sits to her side; he has one of her hands sandwiched between his own. The slight dampness of his palms gives away the fact that he's more nervous about this part than she is.

"I thought that you'd be filming this part to show at his twenty first birthday. Isn't this what you brought the video camera for?" she teases him.

As much as the writer is attracted to gore and the macabre it is different when it is Kate's blood. He's seen enough of it for a lifetime; the sensation of that warm sticky fluid staining his hands as she bled out is still too vivid in his mind. Rick keeps his eyes determinedly fixed on her face and not on the operation that is being performed. "Nah, I brought it so I could film the back of you in this gown," he quips back at her. "I thought I could use it for blackmail purposes."

In a surprisingly short amount of time the regular beeping of the monitoring equipment is drowned out by the crying of the newborn.

"There's nothing wrong with his lungs. Young Master Castle doesn't think much of this place compared with being in the womb," Dr Cranshaw says as she places the red-faced baby into the hospital towel being held out by the waiting pediatrician. The doctor gives him a quick check over before putting the baby on his mother's chest.

Maybe it's the familiar beating of her heart or maybe it's the fact that the baby is adapting to this new environment but he immediately quiets. Kate stares down in amazement at the perfect bundle of humanity which she helped create. Soft brown down lightly covers his head; his eyes are so tightly scrunched that she can't tell what color they are.

"Hello my love. Trent Gareth Castle you are perfect." Her voice is choked with emotion and Rick can't think of a time when he's seen her so happy before.

He leans in so that he can kiss both his wife and child. "That's my boy Trent. We Castle men sure know how to charm the ladies," he tells the newborn.

Kate smiles at her husband. His advent into her life was the catalyst, the pivot on which her life turned. The path that she had been following had changed when their paths had intersected with that first murder. Looking down at the baby in her arms she realized that this was the final thing. Her life … no not just that, everything had changed now and Kate Beckett wouldn't have it any other way.

**A/N: Sorry it took so long to get this last chapter up but I had major writer's block. Fortunately the new season of Castle was enough of a spur to get me going again. **


End file.
